In lieu of speaking French, Peter MacKay to run his nails down a chalkboard - The Beaverton
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In lieu of speaking French, Peter MacKay to run his nails down a chalkboard

HALIFAX – Party leadership hopeful has decided to stop speaking in one of ’s official languages by substituting his French with the screeching noise made by his fingernails against a chalkboard.

MacKay, who spent the past five years attempting to pass level 1 French on Duolingo, says that he made a valiant effort at learning, but just can’t seem to get the hang of communicating with 20% of Canada’s population.

However, in a nod to francophones across the country, MacKay will irritate everyone instead of only those who can speak and understand French.

“Canadians are strong because Canadians make a strong Canada stronger,” said the former cabinet minister in a speech to a group of supporters before pausing to pull out a small slate.

MacKay then emitted a horrible screeching sound by dragging his nails across the slate surface causing audience members to cringe and cover their ears.

“I will march in a because that’s popular now,” added the former defence minister.

“Some people question whether Canada’s next prime minister should be fluently bilingual,” said Georges Simard, a francophone supporter of MacKay. “At least the chalkboard sounds a lot better than his French.”

Many partisans are hopeful that a Conservative leader who knows less French than a Bloc Québécois leader knows English will win in