WASHINGTON D.C. – Shocked and demoralized by William Barr’s summary of the Mueller Report, American liberals are afraid they’ve lost their last best chance to hold Trump accountable, aside from the 16 investigations that haven’t been resolved yet.
“It’s just a punch to the gut. This was our last bite at the apple,” said New York Senator Chuck Schumer. “I mean I guess there’s still a tiny hope that something comes out of the Roger Stone trial. Or the information Cohen and Flynn provided. Or the Southern District of New York investigations into the Stormy Daniels payoff and the National Enquirer and the Trump Organization and the inaugural committee. Or possibly the New York State probe of the Trump Foundation. Or the tax fraud thing. Or the emoluments lawsuit. Or any of the Congressional hearings we’ve launched.”
“But let’s face it,” Schumer sighed, “this is like a football game with eight minutes left in the first quarter. All we can do now is throw a Hail Mary pass.”
In an emergency conference call, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi urged fellow Democrats to hold their nerve even though the chances of a Trump indictment now seem slim-to-really-quite-good. “Sure, plan A didn’t work out,” she said, “but that’s why we have plan B. And plan C. And also plans D through P”.
At press time, President Trump realized he couldn’t play the victim at rallies any more, so he was doing more collusion to spark a new inquiry he could dismiss as a “witch hunt.”
