CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has refreshed its high-end MacBook Pro laptop line this week, featuring a revolutionary new keyboard design that was inspired by the class action lawsuits filed against the old design.
Jony Ive, Apple’s Chief Design Officer who is responsible for the look and feel of all Apple hardware, spoke excitedly to press about this bold new direction for the product.
Said Ive, “At Apple, we believe in the beauty, and the elegance of a well machined product. Especially when it’s replacing a similar product that is the subject of three ongoing class action matters in California courts.”
“With every iteration, we are refining and streamlining to get a little closer to perfection. One day, we see a butterfly, and we imagine a ‘butterfly key’ that would break the laptop entirely as dust naturally got below the keyboard and then cost seven hundred dollars to repair. The next day, we imagine a court action accusing us of seven separate charges including violation of the California Consumers Legal Remedies Act, and we imagine a ‘normal keyboard that works.’”
“Function, and form in perfect harmony has always been our goal,” Ive concluded. “And I believe the new not-broken MacBook Pro exemplifies this perfectly.”
“Also, the battery is sold separately now.”