NEW YORK – After a meeting this week, followed by a flurry of rumours and speculation, U.S. President-elect Donald J. Trump has named Kanye West as Secretary of Caring About Black People.
Both Trump and West agreed that the American musician was “tremendous” and uniquely qualified for the newly created position, considering West’s proven ability to discern whether sitting American Presidents cared about black people or not.
“Honestly, it’s a relief,” said Trump in a press scrum in the lobby of the Trump Hotel in New York.
“When I was thinking about what it was going to be like being President, I was worried I would have to spend several minutes each day caring about black people. Thinking about how poor they are, being sad that they were being murdered by police. Now I have an incredible secretary who will do that for me.”
West was also enthusiastic about the appointment, saying, “Normally getting a job as part of a Presidential cabinet would be weird for a guy like me, but there are so many other super-rich crazy people in this thing that I think I’m going to fit right in.”
West went on to elaborate at length on his plans to care about black people, which mostly involved interrupting people at awards ceremonies and vigorously defending his patent on leather jogging pants.
“I guess it’s nice that the position exists,” said Terrell Jackson, one of the nation’s 37 million black people.
“I like being cared about, and I guess I like Kanye, but this… I’m not sure if… I’m pretty confused right now.”
Currently Trump is said to be interviewing taco bowl chefs to fill the newly created position of Chief of Hispanic Relations.
