PETERBOROUGH, ON – After a late night spent drinking with friends and bar-hopping, Toronto man Mackenzie Phillips woke up in Peterborough yet again this morning.
“Oh geez bud, the ‘borough again?” said a dazed Phillips, realizing that he was once again waking up in the middle of Nicholls Oval Park. “Musta been a real rager last night.”
Looking at Phillips’ credit card history deepens the mystery. It showed six purchases were made last night: three from a Toronto bar followed by three more at The Whistle Stop in Peterborough. Even though the town is more than two hours from his home city, the purchases are separated by only 32 minutes.
“I can’t explain it but it happens every time,” said Phillips, wandering past the Peterborough Lift Lock. “Once I was at a buddy’s wedding on Vancouver Island, and next thing—bam, I’m face down on the floor of the Pig’s Ear Tavern.”
“It must be really awesome party town I guess? I just wish I could remember.”
Friends and loved ones are similarly baffled as to why or how Phillips, who is not even from Peterborough or has family there, arrives in the small city every time he gets completely hammered.
“We’ve tried to figure it out,” said close friend Jeff Mears, driving to pick up Phillips after receiving a single text of ‘ptbo’. “We do know that it usually happens around 2am. He says he’s going to the washroom and next thing we know his instagram is filled with photos of Trent University.”
At press time, Philips had found 12 receipts for cab rides totalling $400,000.
