drunk Archives - The Beaverton

Tag: drunk

Local Sommelier just fuckin’ guessing

Niagara, ON – The wine-loving community was shocked today to learn that local Sommelier Jacob Tillaney has been absolutely just fuckin’ guessing every time he gives tasting notes for a bott…


Dry January to be wettest on record

Vancouver, BC — Following a wave of high-pressure this week, meteorologists predict Dry January will be the wettest on record. Up until Tuesday, leading meteorologists predicted that January woul…


Designated driver drunk on power

Phelpston, ON – After an hour at Gabe Newton’s 23rd Birthday Bash designated driver Mark Lougheed, drunk on power, has decreed that he is ready to leave and has decided that all those he br…