Spitsbergen, Norway – The Svalbard Global Seed Vault in the remote Arctic archipelago of Spitsbergen will be adding 10 VHS copies of Don Cherry’s Rock ‘em Sock ‘em 5 to safeguard against catastrophe on a global scale.
The managers of the facility say that maintaining 10 VHS cassettes of the best goals, saves, hits, fights, and bloopers of the 1993 NHL Season may one day save humanity.
“In the event of a climate change apocalypse or severe loss in the diversity of best selling sport videos in Canada, we have made a world-wide stockpile available to all nations,” explained Sven Ødegård, a manager responsible for seed and classic NHL video preservation. “As a society, human-kind should store the records demonstrating the talents of Teemu Selanne, the 10 consecutive overtime wins by the Montreal Canadiens, and Grapes’ wonderful narration by using every synonym in the thesaurus to describe a hit.”
The cassettes will be stored at -18 C to ensure that future generations have access to delightful montages of frustrated players breaking their sticks on the ice, elbows to the head, and intense synthesizer music in the event the videos disappear.
“Long after Don Cherry is gone, our children’s children will know how to mispronounce European last names.”
