TORONTO – Recently laid off Sun News Network commentators have strangely reversed their negative views towards the country’s employment insurance system.
“I know over the past few years I’ve said EI is a tax grab for lazy slimeballs who refuse to get real jobs,” said the Brian Lilley, who lost his only source of income. “My former program has also either stated or implied that those on EI are drug users who will exploit taxpayers for as long as possible.”
“But that’s not what I meant. What I really meant is that Employment Insurance is a vital program that helps hard working Canadians when they need it the most.”
Other provocative, right-wing commentators were quick to criticize EI as ‘slow, ungenerous and downright humiliating.’ Ezra Levant, who was waiting in line at a Service Canada office, could be overheard scorning one of Canada’s “most underfunded, inadequate social programs.”
“I have to keep a record of all of the employers I contacted?” said a surprised Levant to the public servant who was explaining to him how EI actually works. “Two week waiting period? I only get two-thirds of my income? I have a family to feed! This is such bullshit!”
Michael Coren, former host of the now cancelled show ‘The Arena’ failed to obtain enough working hours in order to qualify.
“I needed 700 hours to qualify in this region; I only have 695!” explained a disappointed Coren who promised that he’d never vote Conservative again.
According to sources, the commentators were having difficulty finding new work in Alberta’s oil sands.
