OTTAWA – The Liberal government has announced the recent climate change emergency declaration is now over, thereby granting them the moral authority to approve the Trans Mountain pipeline. …
Tag: Trans Mountain pipeline
Kenney vows to personally strangle every BC resident
CALGARY – UCP leader Jason Kenney says that he’s willing to personally murder all 5 million residents of British Columbia with his bare hands if the BC provincial government does not approv…
Protesters block construction of new essential oil pipeline
BURNABY, BC – Several protesters have been arrested after chaining themselves to equipment in an effort to block further construction on Canada’s controversial essential oil pipeline. A lar…
Ruling against Trans Mountain protects Pacific coal tankers from oilsands tankers
VANCOUVER — The landmark ruling against the Trans Mountain Pipeline expansion was heralded as a win for BCs massive pod of coal tankers and the people who love them. “Today we can res…
Provincial government thanks the rest of Canada for buying $4.5 billion pipeline by complaining about equalization
EDMONTON – Expressing their appreciation for the purchasing the controversial Trans Mountain Pipeline, the Alberta government said thanks by complaining about how much Quebec, Manitoba, Nov…
Rachel Notley eats raw bitumen to show the world it’s safe
EDMONTON – Fresh off the Trans Mountain pipeline nationalization announcement, a confident Alberta Premier has reassured the world that undiluted bitumen is completely safe by eating some o…
BC Premier’s bathroom mirror smeared with “Revenge” written in bitumen
YELLOWKNIFE – After attempting to get some sleep before a Western Premiers’ Meeting, BC Premier John Horgan awoke to discover that someone had smeared the words “Revenge” in thick Alberta b…
PEI threatens to cut off New Brunswick’s potato shipments unless they approve new potato pipeline
CHARLOTTETOWN – Provincial tensions are high after PEI Premier Wade MacLauchlan said he intends on reducing potato shipments to the province of New Brunswick unless Premier Brian Gallant ap…
Leather-clad Alberta Marauders threaten to storm BC unless they approve pipeline within 24 hours
VICTORIA – A motley crew of Alberta pipeline crusaders is threatening a full scale war with British Columbia unless they promptly approve safe passage for their precious diluted bitumen. Th…
Notley to flood BC so pipelines reach Pacific
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has announced her proposal to sink the province of British Columbia to resolve the ongoing Trans Mountain Pipeline dispute with BC, and grant her pr…