TORONTO – As the pre-season winds down hockey fans are using the preamble “I know it’s only the preseason but” to unleash their wildest and dumbest takes. “I know it…
Tag: NHL
Visibly trembling Oilers fan insists he’s not worried about McDavid contract situation
EDMONTON – With training camp about a week away and no sign of Connor McDavid signing an extension anytime soon, Oilers fan and visibly shaking from head to toe human being Malcolm Serrano …
Florida, Calgary win Stanley Cup Final
SUNRISE, FL – The Florida Panthers have defeated the Edmonton Oilers in the Stanley Cup Final, securing both Florida and Calgary their second consecutive Cup victory over Edmonton. “I’m happy my …
Federal government opens distress hotline for Canadians forced to cheer for Oilers
OTTAWA – A new federal mental health initiative has seen the opening of a 24/7 distress hotline that will provide emergency support for Canadians who have been forced to cheer for the Oiler…
“One day I’ll be dead and I won’t have to watch this team,” thinks Leafs fan to cheer himself up
TORONTO – In the wake of the Leafs discovering a new playoff performance low point even lower than their previous playoff lowpoints, fan Martin Scheffel advised that he takes comfort in the…
Federal election postponed until all Canadian teams eliminated from playoffs
OTTAWA – After rescheduling tonight’s French language leaders debate to accommodate a Montreal Canadiens playoff game, Elections Canada has announced that the entire federal election …
Rogers CEO says joy of torturing Canadians with garbage hockey broadcast worth way more than 11 billion dollars
TORONTO – One week after signing a 12 year deal for NHL broadcasting rights that cost twice as much as their last deal, Rogers CEO Tony Staffieri said the deal is an investment in the compa…
Ovechkin dedicates his record-breaking goal to the brave men and women bombing Ukrainian hospitals
NEW YORK CITY – Alexander Ovechkin has scored his 895th career goal, surpassing Wayne Gretzky’s record and making him first all-time among NHL superstars with terrible personal politics. Ovechki…
Leafs revamp power play by adding second pointless drop pass before entering zone
TORONTO – With their power play struggling worse than ever, Toronto Maple Leafs power play coach Marc Savard has introduced a new wrinkle that he’s confident will get the team over th…
Leafs confident they’ll keep winning as long as they get the best goaltending in the league every single night
TORONTO – As they continue to win games despite being completely unable to score goals, the Toronto Maple Leafs players and coaches expressed confidence that their success will continue as …
