HOLLYWOOD — Avatar: The Way of Water, the latest blockbuster from director James Cameron, has been named the biggest financial flop of all time. It will be released later this week. The Avatar …
Tag: movies
Dealbreaker! Date doesn’t want to watch your favourite movie
Moncton, NB – On the third date when Donald McFlagen invited potential new girlfriend, Alexandra Jakins over, he was shocked when she had no interest in watching any of his favourite movies…
Local contrarian takes immense pleasure from people’s expressions upon learning he’s never seen Star Wars
GRAVENHURST, ON ― Local middle manager and willful snob Kenneth Thomas had a fantastic time last night, when a party he attended gave him a chance to casually reveal to a host of new people that …
Critics question whether new Downton Abbey movie really needed to open the multiverse
HOLLYWOOD – Inspired by hit movies like Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, the new Downton Abbey film will introduce multiverse theory into the lives of the beloved Crawley family. The …
Netflix announces final season of Stranger Things will consist of six 15-hour movies, released randomly over the next decade
LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming service Netflix has not only officially announced that the hit show Stranger Things will return for its fifth and final season, but that the season will be com…
Studies confirm watching an in-flight movie from four rows behind makes it 10x better
VANCOUVER, BC — Researchers at University of British Columbia have confirmed the theory that watching an in-flight movie from four rows behind makes it 10x better. “It’s an age-old question that …
Oscars present lifetime achievement award to toxic masculinity
LOS ANGELES- The Academy presented their prestigious lifetime achievement award last night to veteran of filmmaking and perennial awards season favourite, toxic masculinity. Recognized by fans an…
Man who “can’t relate” to Turning Red loves Star Wars
TORONTO – Local man Terrance Matthews has reported to his friends that he couldn’t relate to Turning Red’s main character while still deeply relating to Luke Skywalker from Star Wars. “The…
Movie Review: Is seeing The Matrix Resurrections worth contracting Omicron? We don’t know, none of us were willing to find out
NOTE: This review contains spoilers for The Matrix Resurrections trailers but not the movie, since no one at the Beaverton has seen it because have you read the most recent COVID numbers? Jesus. …
Local man gets sexy little tingle from pointing out shots that were in trailer but not movie
VAUGHAN, ON – Local accountant Shawn Kronbach recently revealed that he feels a sexy spine tingle every time he tells someone about shots that were in the film trailer but not in the film i…