BRAMPTON, ON – Saying that they have been forced to make sacrifices because of the cost of living crisis, Loblaw Corporation has opted for a more budget-friendly No Name president over cont…
Tag: Loblaws
Galen Weston defends $3 million raise by asking “Have you seen how expensive stuff is getting lately?”
Caledon, Ontario –Loblaws CEO Galen Weston defended his $3 million raise this week by noting that it’s really not that much when you think of how expensive things are nowadays. “Have …
Canada announces tax-free grocery savings account
OTTAWA – As part of their latest budget, the Trudeau Liberals have announced an additional measure to help financially squeezed Canadians: a new tax free savings account to help Canadians s…
Loblaws CEO blames record breaking profits on newfound popularity of food
Toronto, ON – Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr. has recently explained to politicians on Parliament Hill that his record-breaking profits during difficult economic times are only due to Canadian…
Loblaws credits record profits to “raising prices on things humans need to live”
BRAMPTON, ON – Loblaw Companies Ltd.’s fourth-quarter results beat analysts’ expectations, which executives credit to the grocery giant’s corporate strategy of “gouging people f…
Financial advisors recommend buying grocery stock instead of groceries
OTTAWA – Recent consumer data was shows an alarming majority of Canadians continue to spend their grocery budget on groceries, despite the advice of financial experts to buy grocery stocks …
Galen Weston liberates No Name brand from shackles of tyrannical price freeze
BRAMPTON, ON – Galen Weston, billionaire philanthropist and benevolent overlord of the Loblaws grocery empire, has graciously announced plans to liberate No Name brand products from their unjust …
We replaced all our writers with ChatGPT. Here are its first 10 headlines!
Great news everyone! Just like other friendly media sites who exist to remind you of pop culture moments you vaguely enjoyed while selling you a mattress in a box, we’ve gone ahead and fired all …
Man caught stealing eggs from Loblaws charged with theft over $5,000
VANCOUVER — Police working with Loblaws store security have managed to foil a brazen daytime robbery of the Grandview Highway Superstore location, the suspect almost making off with two dozen egg…
Ford unsure if he should sell Ontario healthcare system to Loblaws, Tim Hortons, or Nestlé
QUEEN’S PARK – As Premier Doug Ford announces that he will expand surgeries available at for-profit clinics, insiders report he is still deciding which megacorporation to eventually sell On…