Tag: John Tavares

Leafs announce that making Matthews captain is the best way to distract fans from fact they haven’t made any significant roster changes again

TORONTO – In a press conference scheduled for Wednesday, the Toronto Maple Leafs are expected to announce that, after much deliberation, they believe giving Auston Matthews the captaincy is…

Maple Leafs begin search for new scapegoat

TORONTO – The Maple Leafs have fired head coach Sheldon Keefe after another first round exit, beginning a search for a new shmuck to blame the franchise’s larger problems on. “While we appreciate…