SAN FRANCISCO — Tech billionaire Elon Musk launched a hostile takeover of Twitter today shortly after becoming the company’s single largest shareholder. While the social media platform’s future i…
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COVID enters 6th wave despite clearly running out of ideas by Wave 3
OTTAWA — The Public Health Agency of Canada confirmed today that the country is now in the 6th wave of the COVID-19 pandemic signaled by the all too familiar pattern of climbing case numbers. Whi…
Work from home commute delayed by three dog pileup
CALGARY – Traffic reports from the Morley household indicate that a massive three dog pileup is delaying multiple household commutes. “There’s fur everywhere, and you can still hear barking,” one…
Sperm banks unfreeze man’s assets
OTTAWA – In response to an ongoing criminal case, Canadian sperm banks have unfrozen accused criminal Charles Grieg’s significant portfolio of assets. Grieg, 47, is facing numerous fraud charges…
“100,000 cases a day totally worth this,” thinks man walking maskless into KFC
Oshawa, ON – Local man Dalton Framer took time to savour the fact that he was finally allowed to walk into a crowded KFC without a mask, regardless of the fact that Ontario is currently fac…
Calgary Police pause order to remove ‘thin blue line’ patch after realizing cops can’t follow simple instructions
CALGARY – The Calgary Police Service has paused an order from the Calgary Police Commission requiring all Calgary cops to remove the ‘thin blue line’ patches from their uniforms after large…
Highlights of the Liberal’s 2022 budget
Amidst a war in Ukraine, high cost of living and the return of Tim Hortons Roll Up The Rim, Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland has tabled the second budget of her tenure. Let’s take a look …
Urban obstacle course installed for men to jump high and touch stuff
TORONTO – City officials cut the ribbon on the Parks Department’s most recent project this weekend; an urban obstacle course where men can jump real high and touch stuff. The course resemb…
Conservative Leadership Candidate Profile: Pierre Poilievre
Background: Poilievre was born wearing a suit, glasses and a sneer. He immediately used his first words to tell the doctor who delivered him everything she had done wrong. He subsequently studied…
New Tesla safety feature requires user retweet Elon Musk to start vehicle
AUSTIN, TX — On the heels of news that Elon Musk had become Twitter’s single largest shareholder, Tesla Motors has unveiled a new safety feature requiring the driver to demonstrate being ca…
