EDMONTON – An Alberta UCP MLA has been caught not taking an international vacation causing swift condemnation from Premier Jason Kenney. While the MLA has not been named yet, sources say Ke…
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Canada now requires travelers test negative for politician before international travel
OTTAWA- After a huge jump in cases, the federal government has now mandated that all international passengers must test negative for politician. “The cases are growing at an alarming rate,&…
Cheers turn to silent horror as New Year’s countdown reads -1, -2, -3
NEW YORK — Excited cheers rang out over a much sparser but still festive Times Square Thursday evening as the few onsite personnel gathered to bid farewell to 2020. But the usual joyful chants of…
Egyptian authorities announce discovery of 13 completely sealed copies of Shasta McNasty on DVD
CAIRO – The world was rocked today as the Egyptian Ministry of Antiquities unveiled the discovery of 13 completely sealed DVDs of the late 1990s TV show Shasta McNasty. Rumors surrounding t…
2020: The year we all became incels
OTTAWA – Reports from the nation’s uncoupled population indicate that 2020 is the year we all became involuntary celibates. “It’s been a hard year.” Says Abby Aquino of Hamilton. “My sex li…
“I like to put a little maple syrup in there to start my day,” says man drinking mug of maple syrup
OSHAWA – A man currently guzzling an entire mug of maple syrup admitted today that he likes to put a little maple syrup in there to get his day started right. “We all know that feeling when…
Study reveals that dogs in fact bork and do not bark
VANCOUVER, B.C – An extensive 38 year study conducted by the University of British Columbia into domesticated dogs species has revealed that every dog in the world actually doesn’t bark, bu…
Ghost of Christmas Future-Perfect tells man everything he will have done wrong
VANCOUVER – In a surprising twist on an old holiday tradition, 33-year-old Artem Brasso found himself visited by more than just the classic three Christmas spirits this Christmas Eve. Short…
Local woman dies from blood loss after flossing for first time in 4 years
CALGARY – Mabel Doyle, a 24 year old graphic designer bled out in her apartment last Wednesday after attempting to floss for the first time in four years. “I’m the one who found her”, said …
Canada blocks travel from the U.K about 500 years too late
OTTAWA – Canadian officials have announced a suspension of travel from the United Kingdom due to safety concerns of people living on this land, approximately 500 years too late. “With this …
