TORONTO – Facing criticism by Ontarians who don’t understand their new lockdown rules, the Ford government has sought to simplify matters by explaining everything through a simple rid…
Tag: Featured Post
“WHAT’S IN THE VACCINE?” says man who doesn’t know what’s in his fridge
Barrie, ON – A local man unaware of the contents of his own refrigerator is demanding to know what is in the COVID-19 vaccine. Justin Travers, 34, is extremely concerned about the contents of the…
In rare show of bipartisanship only 95% of Republicans vote in favour of man who tried to kill them
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning display of bipartisanship nearly 5% of Republican Members of Congress voted to impeach the man who, exactly one week ago, sent a horde of white supremacists …
Ford warns paid sick leave would only encourage harmful belief that employees are people
TORONTO – Premiere Ford has clarified that Ontario will not be introducing mandatory paid sick leave as he does not want to reinforce the harmful idea that hourly and frontline workers are …
“That oughta do it” says Ford after requiring Costco to close an hour early
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is said to be confident that the COVID pandemic is basically over now that Costco and the LCBO have to close a bit earlier than before. “I think we’re ou…
Man who refuses to go down on women hasn’t showered in 8 days
CALGARY – Local shower avoider Heath Gerry is adamant in his refusal to put his face near a woman’s genitalia despite being an eye watering risk to public health himself. “I just thin…
Report: Puppy calendar filled with uggos this year
EDMONTON – The latest report compiled by market experts has revealed that the 2021 release from noted calendar brand “Omg Pups!” is filled with absolute uggos this year. The newest 13-month…
Canadians relieved our right-wing, authoritarian politicians not charismatic enough to inspire Coups
OTTAWA – In the wake of the attempted storming of the US Capitol Building, Canadians are expressing relief that our many far-right, anti-democrat politicians are too bland to inspire an arm…
Aw, heck! Borkin pupperino did a big zoomie into oncoming traffic
The smol boi had a honkin big frighten and received a chonky cast for his snoot. Three hoomans were killed.…
Data breach raises concerns that someone now knows how stupid your passwords are
TORONTO – A recent data breach has compromised the privacy of roughly 100,000 Canadians, leaving many folks concerned that someone, somewhere is judging their choice of passwords. “Trying t…
