EDMONTON – According to sources in Mr. Lawrence’s Grade 11 English class, no one is sure if their teacher is leading them through an ingenious Socratic dialogue or just talking out of his ass. “…
Tag: English
Breaking: YouTube ads all in French again
Waterloo, ON – Reports from the Finkel residence have confirmed that the Youtube ads are all in French again. “I needed a break but I didn’t have time to watch a 22 minute tv sh…
Quëbéc’s nêw Bill 96 will introducé swêèping changês to èxisting Ënglish languagê laws
Montrëal — Thë massivê Frënch-languagë réform bill, Bill 96, would ênablé thè Québécois govèrnmènt to ènact swéêping mêasurès for thé purposé of protëcting thè Frénch languagê. Thé Bill contains …
Pharmaceutical companies say Canada would get COVID vaccine faster if they didn’t need to print labels in French too
OTTAWA – As concerns mount that Canada may be “last in line” for access to the COVID-19 vaccines being developed, American pharmaceutical companies have reassured Canadians that…
Quebec asks store clerks to punch English-speakers in the face repeatedly
Quebec City – The provincial legislature of Quebec has unanimously passed a motion encouraging retail workers to promote the use of French by punching English-speaking customers in the face…
Quebec demands English Canada recognize its distinct racism
QUEBEC CITY – The government of Quebec has passed a new law banning the Niqab as a way to prove that their brand of racism is unique and independent from the racism prevalent in the rest of…
Controversy erupts after HBO Canada announces alternate history series where French won Seven Years War
OTTAWA – HBO Canada has come under fire after announcing a new series, “QUEBECADA” that depicts an alternate history where the British were defeated by French forces during the Seven Years War. “…
Quebec Maître D’ stunned as enigmatic tourist greets him in his native tongue
MONTREAL — Jon Dubois, maître d’ of Montreal restaurant Le Poirier, reported feeling shocked earlier this week when an charming yet mysterious woman–who had clearly travelled from a f…
Merriam-Webster 2016 Word-of-the-Year: “Fuuuuuuuuuuck”
SPRINGFIELD, MA – The dictionary editors at Merriam-Webster have found that the most used word of 2016 was “fuuuuuuuuuuuuck”, followed closely by “Fuckfuckfuck”, “Jesus-Fucking-Christ”, and…
Recent English grad unsure about the apostrophe in ‘bachelor’s degree’
TORONTO – After earning her degree at the University of Toronto, English major Melany Peony was uncertain about the use of punctuation between the words “bachelor” and “degree.” The confusi…