QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has relented to public pressure and permitted the re-opening of most major municipal centres so long as the population commits to a pinky-swear en m…
Tag: Doug Ford
Ford recommends lying in order to get vaccine faster
TORONTO – During a recent press conference Premier Doug Ford recommended lying about your personal information in order to get the COVID vaccine faster. “After speaking with my experts, we …
Scathing auditor’s report on long-term care placed in a home, forgotten about until it dies
TORONTO – The Ontario government has responded to the Auditor General of Ontario’s Special Report on Pandemic Readiness and Response in Long-Term Care by surrendering it to a long-term home…
Progress! Ontarians granted 3 days sick leave to share amongst themselves
Ontarians rejoice! After over a year of tireless advocacy from workers and healthcare advocates, the Ontario government has finally taken a major step in halting the spread of COVID 19 by proposi…
Doug Ford wins best actor Oscar for performance pretending to care about people dying of COVID
TORONTO – In an upset win, Ontario Premier Doug Ford took home the Academy Award for Best Leading Actor due to his performance crying crocodile tears for all the people dying of COVID as a …
Ontarians reminisce about other Ford brother whose bumbling incompetence didn’t kill anyone
TORONTO – As they reflected from their places of quarantine, Ontarians reminisced about the late Toronto mayor Rob Ford, whose tenure from 2010-2014 didn’t lead to the deaths of thousands. …
Heartwarming: Doug Ford learns MS Paint
News in Photos.…
Canada more divided than ever between have-not and have-idiot-premier provinces
OTTAWA – Despite years of equalization payments, a new study has found that there is an increasing divide between the have-not and have-idiot-premier provinces. “The have-nots in our …
Ford government unveils paid sick days for select postal codes of major PC donors
TORONTO – Caving to political pressure, Premier Doug Ford and his provincial government announced they will be launching paid sick days, but only for residents who live carefully selected p…
Doug Ford relieved to have paid sick days after workplace COVID exposure
ETOBICOKE, ON – After coming into contact with a coworker who tested positive for COVID-19, Premier Doug Ford is reportedly “hugely relieved” to have paid sick days to isolate at home, as p…
