Conservative Leadership Race Archives

Conservatives distance selves from Scheer by crowning scandal prone white man who can’t win Quebec

OTTAWA – Seeking to put plenty of room between them and the disastrous leadership tenure of Andrew Scheer, the Conservative Party is preparing to anoint as leader Peter MacKay, a man credib…

Conservatives sure party members who supported Scheer and Bernier last time will now choose a centrist leader with mass appeal

OTTAWA – As the Conservative Party leadership contest officially gets underway party insiders expressed confidence that the same members who last time supported libertarian, racist uncle Ma…

Tories hopeful they will find ordinary, down-to-earth leader with a spare $300,000 to spend on entry fee

OTTAWA – A poll of Conservative Party members has indicated that a strong majority want a commoner relatable to all Canadians who can easily dish out $300,000 deposit for a leadership entry…

Bernier furious over lack of regulation in Conservative voting process

OTTAWA – Failed Tory leadership candidate and avowed libertarian Maxime Bernier is reportedly furious that there wasn’t proper oversight and controls in place to ensure a fair voting proces…

Conservative Leadership Convention anxiously awaits swimsuit competition

TORONTO — The Conservative Leadership Convention has officially commenced in Ontario’s capital and attendees are waiting with great anticipation for the most important event during the two-…

Canada to Kevin O’Leary: “I’m out”

OTTAWA – After a four month long pitch to Canada’s panel of esteemed Conservative voters, the business savvy nation stated that Kevin O’Leary’s purported valuation was “way off” and that th…

Tory scientists begin thawing cryogenically frozen John Diefenbaker for late leadership run

CARP, ON – Deep inside the Diefenbunker, Conservative scientists have started the process of thawing a cryogenically frozen former Prime Minister to give their party a better shot at winnin…