TORONTO — This week, Premier Doug Ford announced a bold plan to privatize birds in the province of Ontario. “We’ve been wasting money on public birds for too long,” said Ford. “We simply ca…
Tag: Birds
Canadian Air Force facing setbacks after several more CF-18s fucked by giant metal birds
OTTAWA – The aging Canadian Air Force suffered yet another setback today, after giant metal birds had sex with several more of its planes. “Earlier this morning, giant metal birds ploughed …
Meet the adorable cat responsible for the extinction of 3 bird species
Aurora, ON – In a quiet suburb outside of Toronto lives an adorable, gregarious, grey and white cat who greets everyone he meets with a nuzzle and a purr, and has managed to wipe out three …
Bald eagle wins America’s Got Talons for ninth straight season
NEW YORK – In a completely unsurprising development, Iggy, a 10-year-old bald eagle from a mangrove swamp in Florida, has once again emerged triumphant in the latest season of America’s Got…
First robin of Spring almost completely unfrozen
SUDBURY, ON – A robin has been sighted in Chelmsford park, almost entirely free of ice. As any Canadian knows, the emergence of the robin from its annual cryogenic cycle is a sure sign that…
Pedestrian not sure if defecated on by bird
TORONTO – A man walking west on Bloor Street near Spadina Ave. believes a pigeon may have defecated on his cheek and right shoulder earlier this morning, but he is unsure. “Could have been …
