OTTAWA – A press statement released by the Pug Unification Guild this morning, stated that the nation’s pugs demand access to human mouths in order to sneeze into them. “While there are man…
Tag: babies
Weird couple names their son “John”
OTTAWA – Friends of local couple Blaze and Traylor Davidson have been left perplexed after the Davidsons decided to give their newborn son the completely bizarre name of ”John”. “I can’t believe …
Aww! This new mother and infant child are oblivious to the shared trauma they will inflict on each other
According to hospital reports, new mother Janine Spencer and her infant son Oliver are completely unaware of the mutual agony they will subject each other to over the next 18 years. How sweet! Fo…
Editorial: It’s time we think about canceling babies
By Fantine Hathaway Babies are the purest manifestation of narcissism and entitlement. It’s 2019 and I am ready to speak my truth; babies must be cancelled! I can say that because I’ve been a bab…
Baby never happier than when vomiting
CALGARY —- Researchers have confirmed that 9-month old Grace McMillan, despite enjoying other activities such as interacting with loved ones and playing with toys, reaches greatest levels of happ…
CANADIAN VOICES: Baby capybaras born at High Park Zoo
After a high-profile escape from their enclosure at Toronto’s High Park Zoo last summer, two capybaras named Bonnie and Clyde have given birth to three offspring. What’s your say? &nb…
Bell, Rogers buy naming rights to nation’s newborns
Having already bought every stadium in the country, the nations telecommunications giants have now scooped up the naming rights for the hundreds of thousands of newborns in Canada. Catch a…
Baby shocked to learn its name is Wayne
WEYBURN, SK – As local infant Wayne Bender gained an increased sense of awareness of the world Thursday, he was startled to discover his name was, in fact, Wayne. What began as a thrilling …