Undergrad spends $3000 on booze to celebrate arrival of OSAP loan

PETERBOROUGH – Upon being offered a loan for his tuition fee with government aid, a third year undergraduate student celebrated with a $3,000 alcohol-fueled party. 21 year-old Owen Blais, a…

Report: Canadian job growth slow due to HR

OTTAWA – A report by Statistics Canada has revealed that Canadian job growth has stalled because Human Resource departments don’t have the time to deal with backlog. “There is no lack of wo…

Woman befriends other woman over mutual hatred of third woman

CALGARY – Margaret Walsh, a secretary at an HR firm solidified her friendship with co-worker,  Linda Desroches, last Friday through their mutual contempt for another colleague. “I always liked Li…

Andrei Markov excited to miss most of Canadiens’ season with this year’s injury

BROSSARD, QC – With preseason hockey in full swing  Montreal Canadiens defenseman Andrei Markov is excited to find out what injury will sideline him for the majority of the season this year…

Blackberry makes first sale in six months

WATERLOO, ON – After a six month “dry spell” Blackberry president Thorstein Heins announced today that the company had finally closed a sale. “It was looking pretty grim there for awhile. N…

NDP attack ad on Trudeau: He acts like he’s all hot but he’s not even that hot

Earlier this week, NDP leader Thomas Mulcair confirmed that his party would run negative campaign ads against Liberal leader Justin Trudeau, targeting him for his track record of “not being that …

Nintendo president runs out of lives but sets new high score

KYOTO – After a thrilling eighty five levels that saw him collect 2.1 billion gold coins, former Nintendo president Hiroshi Yamauchi has run out of lives and been sent back to the main menu…

Most popular thing currently streaming on Canadian Netflix is disappointment

OTTAWA – A new CRTC research poll confirmed today that, for the 15th straight month, the pure feeling of disappointment was the most popular item streamed by Canadian Netflix users. “According to…

Study: 90% of yuppies think seasons change when Starbucks starts serving pumpkin-spiced lattes

NEW YORK – The fall equinox is on September 22 but according to a new study, most yuppies believe the autumn begins when they first consume a pumpkin-spiced latte. “People notice the change…

New Montreal Metro stations to be named after prominent, secular saints

MONTREAL – After announcing the extension of the Montreal Metro’s Blue Line, the PQ provincial government and Société de transport de Montréal announced that new stations will be named afte…