Taylor Swift confirms Toronto is Canada’s Only City
TORONTO – Yesterday Taylor Swift announced plans to bring her Eras Tour to Canada with a 6 night run in the country’s only city. “I’m so excited to bring my show to THE ci…
White kid’s name spelled normally
OAKVILLE – Residents are expressing concern, as it was discovered today that a local white child’s name leverages a traditional spelling. Private and public citizens alike were aghast when …
Following announcement, Trudeau requests no questions regarding his separation or housing or inflation
OTTAWA – Following the surprise public announcement that he and wife Sophie Gregoire Trudeau will be separating, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has requested the media refrain from asking an…
Allegedly cis female athlete transitions to receive men’s salary
LISBON ― Accusations have been flying in the world of men’s track and field that one of the competitors from Portugal, Tiago Silva, does not really have gender dysphoria, and only transitioned be…
Blue Jays fan times bathroom breaks for when team has runners in scoring position to ensure he doesn’t miss any action
TORONTO – Die hard Jays fan Pat Ornelas has developed a perfect strategy for when to take bathroom breaks during lengthy games without missing anything exciting: he only goes when the team …
Toronto man who moved to Ottawa feeling right at home after seeing how shit their transit system is
OTTAWA – Born and raised Toronto man Kyle Chilton was nervous about moving to Ottawa when his job relocated, but says he is starting to feel at home after getting a good look at the broken …
Classic Canadian indie rock albums ranked by how old it makes you feel to see them called ‘classic’
For many years Canada has been at the forefront of the indie rock scene. So much so that, without you noticing, many of the albums you consider modern, relevant examples of the country’s mu…
Canada’s grocery companies pretending not to hear about falling inflation rate
OTTAWA – Statistics Canada reports that the national inflation rate has fallen for a second consecutive month, and the nation’s grocery stores are dutifully pretending not to hear about it.…
“Where am I? What year is it?” asks man who just woke up from 30 minute nap
MONTREAL – A confused and deleterious Martin Hastings was demanding people advise him where and when he was after being unconscious for a full half an hour. “We’re sharing a hotel room whil…
Study finds severe health consequences from drinking even one glass of paint a week
VANCOUVER – After years of advising the public to limit their paint drinking, scientists are now suggesting Canadians should avoid the consumption of paint entirely. “Groundbreaking new research …
