“We’ll be so easy!” promises table about to ruin server’s entire life
TORONTO – In a stunning display of complete lack of self awareness, a group of friends sitting down to eat at Earls assured their server that they would be “Such an easy table!” despite the…
Marvel movie fans studiously avoiding spoilers for latest predictable, formulaic film
LOS ANGELES – Marvel fans everywhere are abstaining from all social contact, in-person and online, from the release of the latest highly-anticipated film until the start time printed on the…
Has feminism gone too far? A woman was mean to me
THE INTERNET – No one supports women’s rights more than I do, but even the best ideas can be taken too far, and my lived experience from two hours ago is the definitive proof: A woman was mean to…
Homeowner open to any solution to housing crisis that doesn’t raise property taxes or lower property values
Oakville, ON – Local man Nicholas Burnaby says that, as a homeowner, he would be happy to see any solution implemented that helps people afford to buy and rent necessary housing as long as …
Report: Woman accidentally told a Manitoban she’s “from Winnipeg” and now has to admit she’s from Portage la Prairie
MONTREAL – After telling a stranger in downtown Montreal that she’s “from Winnipeg” 31-year-old Portage La Prairie resident Sadie Nielson was horrified to discover that the stranger in fact…
Avatar 3 run time predicted to go right up to Avatar 4 release
TORONTO, ON – There’s something special to look forward to in 2024. With blockbuster movie running times increasing every year, Avatar 3 has an announced run time of 2 years. This takes the…
Unworn shirt just happy to be part of vacation wardrobe
WINNIPEG — After failing to make it out of the hotel room on a recent trip to Honolulu, insurance broker Dave Watt’s paisley button up shirt says it’s just happy to be part of the vacation wardro…
OPINION: I know nothing on your subject, and I’ll never concede defeat. Debate me!
Hey there, Smartypants Expert with your fancy degrees and practical experience and whatnot. I’ve built an online following by espousing the opposite of what you and the overwhelming majority of s…
Blushing God approaches Sue Johanson with sex question no one else has been able to answer
HEAVEN – Hesitant and embarrassed, God, the almighty Lord, creator of Earth and the heavens, approached recently deceased sex educator Sue Johanson with a question. “Hey, I’m, a…
Winners and Losers of the 2023 NHL draft based on the 5 minutes of research I did right before it started
Another first round of the NHL draft has come and gone. And if there is one thing we know about selecting a bunch of 18 year olds to play professional hockey for our teams 1-4 years down the line…
