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Inspiration: Young drug dealer dreaming of becoming premier finally has a role model
MARKHAM – The election of Doug Ford as Ontario’s premier has become an inspiration for many young drug traffickers who now have the ambition to pursue public office one day. Despite all the…
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“Good fucking luck, Ontario!”
Editorial by Kathleen Wynne The votes have been counted, and you don’t want me in office anymore. I get it. And you know what? Good. You want Doug Ford in office? Well, good luck with that, assho…
In last-ditch effort, NDP urges voters to strategically already live in rural ridings
TORONTO — With just hours before voters finish casting their ballots in the Ontario election, the NDP’s leadership has appealed to those seeking to prevent a PC win to make a strategi…
Bell Media prepares for Doug Ford era by renewing The Beaverton for a third season
TORONTO – In what will surely be remembered as the most consequential news of the day, Bell Media has elected to renew The Beaverton for a third season. “Statistically speaking, Doug Ford i…
Ontario Proud texts Ontarians pictures of their children at school, asks who they’re voting for now
TORONTO – After sending people across the provinces texts asking who they’re voting for, Conservative organization Ontario Proud has sent a follow up text showing pictures of their children…
Rest of Canada would appreciate it if Ontario would hurry the fuck up and vote already
EVERYWHERE THAT ISN’T ONTARIO – The rest of Canada is urging Ontario to please take whatever steps are necessary to conclude their tumultuous and extremely prolonged provincial election. “Our res…
Middle-aged men storm the television sets of the nation for D-Day documentaries
OTTAWA – Over one million middle-aged men will attempt to establish a foothold on couches and chairs across the country to witness the events of the D-Day landings as told through historica…
VIA Rail installs longer station platform for star-crossed lovers to chase train
MONTREAL – VIA Rail will be extending all of its station platforms in order to accommodate any lovers who want a few more fleeting moments saying goodbye to their soulmates by chasing the t…
