First shorts-wearing jogger of winter spotted
WINNIPEG – A shorts-clad jogger has been spotted running in the River Heights neighbourhood, a sight that all metropolitan Canadians know heralds the true beginning of winter. “He was so ma…
Totally normal guy recommends you watch new anime, “My step-sister is a mail-order bride”
Discord, Ontario – Your totally normal co-worker has once again recommended an animated series you’ve never heard of, this time it’s one called, “My step-sister is a mail-order bride.…
Republicans claim Taylor Swift part of vast liberal conspiracy to make Americans watch football
KANSAS CITY, KS – Across the United States conservative commentators have uncovered a plot by pop megastar Taylor Swift, along with her current boyfriend, Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, to …
Conservatives explain why they’re so obsessed with Trans Kids
Now that Conservatives in Canada have embraced their American cousins’ plan of winning elections by attacking Trans kids at every opportunity, we asked them why they are so obsessed with th…
Alberta Premier Marlaina Smith bans kids from going by their preferred name
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Marlaina Smith has announced that Trans kids under the age of 15 will not be allowed to use the name of their choosing without parental consent. “Demanding …
Checks out! Weird guy owns lizard
LINDSAY, ON – In an extremely foreseeable but nonetheless upsetting chain of events, 29-year-old Dan Wilson, a man who can only be described as “weird as hell”, has revealed himself to be t…
Mom successfully convinced ashtray is for guest use only
WINDSOR — Crisis was averted over the weekend when local cashier Jennifer Pratt successfully convinced her mother that the ashtray in her living room is for guest use only. “Usually I’m meticulou…
Calgary discards plastic bag bylaw after single use
CALGARY – Just days after voting in a new mandate against single-use items, Calgary’s City Council has voted to scrap the entire bylaw immediately after the first time it was used. On Tuesd…
Report: New girlfriend excited to use your relationship for TikTok content
MONTREAL – After extensively researching and logging the online activity and social media history of your new girlfriend Melanie, scientists at the University of McGill have concluded that …
International Court of Justice rules that Israel must bomb civilians more humanely
THE HAGUE – In a preliminary ruling on South Africa v. Israel, the International Court of Justice has decreed that Israel must bomb civilians in the Gaza Strip with more care and compassion. “Wh…
