Sun writer disappointed he has to shelve anti-Islam column after learning Fredericton shooter white

TORONTO – Columnist Joe Warmington was disappointed that he would not see his ready-to-publish pre-written anti-Islam column go to print in the Toronto Sun today after police confirmed that…

Christine Elliott needs to see a few more dead homeless people before she’s convinced overdose prevention sites work

TORONTO – Ontario’s Minister of Health Christine Elliott says that she’ll need to see a lot more dead homeless people before she opens three overdose prevention sites in the province. “Scie…

Kaiju nutritionists now recommend low-car diet

TOKYO – Scientists at the University of Tokyo specializing in giant monster nutrition have released a study on the merits of a diet low in cars. “We’ve found a concerning correlation between obes…

Saudi Arabia condemns Canada’s appalling human rights record of selling arms to Saudi Arabia

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – In the wake of the diplomatic row over Canada’s support of political prisoners, Saudi Arabia continues to put out press releases and social media statements attacking…

Proud furry activist reminds everyone that humans are technically also animals

GRANBY, QC – In an effort to find a common ground with the general public, a local furry has started a campaign to remind others that humans are technically also animals. Furries, a term co…

White House sources reveal Trump still using Obama’s Netflix password

WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources inside the White House recently confirmed reports that President Donald Trump has been stealing Netflix by using former president Barack Obama’s account. The Obama…

City of Victoria attempts to dispose of Sir John A statue via compost

VICTORIA – The municipality of Victoria has come across some difficulty in their attempt to be more green and compost the non-compostable metal statue of the first Prime Minister of Canada,…

Top 5 summer reads for people who pretend to read

Hot down, it’s summer in the city! Now that we’re mid-way through summer it’s time for you to get your vacation on, and what’s more fun in the sun than reading?! But wait, you haven’t read a book…

Third year McGill student hopes to visit Montreal someday

MONTREAL — At a barbecue last Sunday, third-year McGill student Katie Chang mentioned, to the shock of her friends and family, that she would “love to visit Montreal someday.” The commerce …

Man with summer cold convinced this is the most any person has suffered

SHERBROOKE, QC – Twenty-seven-year-old Jason Brossard concluded earlier today, without any sense of irony or exaggeration, that the fact that he contracted the common cold out of season is …