Son finds dad’s stash of old hardcore police chase videos

VANCOUVER – Yesterday evening, twelve year old Dylan Kitchener got more than he bargained for while rummaging through his parent’s closet. The impressionable youth stumbled upon a car…

Nation kind of surprised it took Doug Ford this long to eliminate Charter Rights

TORONTO – After Doug Ford’s bombshell announcement that he would use S. 33 of the Constitution to override the Superior Court striking down his decision to eliminate half of the Toronto Cit…

Apathetic makers of children’s cereal slap cartoon character on bag of sugar

MISSISSAUGA, ON – Cereal designers at Kellogg’s have shown that they’re calling it in with its most recent children’s breakfast cereal which is simply a bag of white sugar with a colourful …

NDP consider replacing Jagmeet Singh with one of their other nationally known, charismatic MPs

OTTAWA – With the NDP struggling in the polls, rumours are swirling that the party may seek to replace current leader Jagmeet Singh with one of their many party officials that combine natio…

Toronto City Councillors mark judge’s ruling with celebratory squabble

TORONTO – A majority of Toronto’s City Councillors are celebrating a judge’s ruling against the Ford government’s decision to axe nearly half of municipal representatives by arguing over th…

“James Bond can’t be black,” says man who believes Jesus was white

BROSSARD, QC – Amidst ongoing speculation over who will be cast as the titular character in the next James Bond film, one local man has offered his take on the issue by suggesting that Mr. …

Study: sitting is the new smoking, and lying down is the new getting addicted to heroin

VANCOUVER – A new study released from UBC Medical School has confirmed the long held suspicion that sitting for extended periods of time is just as harmful as smoking a pack a day, and adde…

Man who will not be deported if he fails CAQ’s proposed values test finds Quebec election boring

MONTREAL – A local man who will be unaffected by Francois Legault’s CAQ’s proposal to remove immigrants from Quebec for failing an arbitrary values test has called the provincial election “…

Girlfriend’s relative thinks they can add you on Facebook just like that

HOME – In an act of what can only be described as massive presumption, Sheila de Souza, 53, a person that your girlfriend has confirmed is a member of her family, has sent you a friend requ…

Farmer’s Knee’s Almanac predicts storm a-comin’, big one, too

ESSA — The Farmer’s Knee’s Almanac unveiled their prediction today that a big ol’ storm was liable to be coming into town. The long-running publication, edited by Gerald &…