Local woman makes old Barbies kiss just to feel something
MONTREAL – This week, Lauren Katsufrakis’ friends and family were growing increasingly concerned as she had been repeatedly making her old dolls make out in order to feel anything aside fro…
Lockheed Martin waves shiny metal dick at Canadian government in $19 billion mating display
OTTAWA – Aerospace manufacturer Lockheed Martin has presented its newest metal phallus to the Canadian government in a bid to win the $19 billion competition to replace the military’s aging…
Citing a culture of fear, anti-maskers remove stop signs
TORONTO – Members of an anti-mask group have taken down an intersection’s stop signs to remove what they call a culture of fear towards oncoming traffic. For years, the red octagons have te…
Conservatives allow Andrew Scheer to re-open debate on abortion as a special goodbye treat
OTTAWA – As Andrew Scheer’s terms as Conservative Party leader nears its end, party brass has decided to give the departing leader a special sendoff: permission to re-open the abortion deba…
Where are they now? We sat down with Don Cherry and immediately regretted it
In November 2019, beloved hockey commentator Don Cherry was fired from Hockey Night In Canada, after he made comments claiming immigrants were disrespecting fallen Canadian veterans by not purcha…
Quebec completes construction of 90-foot-tall Bonhomme the Redeemer statue
QUEBEC CITY – Contractors working for the province have officially confirmed substantial completion on the landmark, 38 metre tall statue of Bonhomme Carnaval, overlooking all of Quebec City. The…
Ontario government announces plan to blame the feds if school reopening plan goes wrong
TORONTO – The Ontario government announced its new plan to blame the federal government in the event that their plan to reopen schools during a pandemic backfires. “Parents will know that i…
Leafs bring comfort and normalcy during tough times by collapsing in playoffs
TORONTO – Seeking to restore a bit of familiarity to hockey fans living in such uncertain times The Toronto Maple Leafs are upholding their long-standing tradition of just shitting the bed …
Report: Best way to know if the dishwasher is running is to open it while asking “is the dishwasher on?”
WINNIPEG – An official report from the Government of Canada states the best way to know if the dishwasher is running is to open it while simultaneously asking “is the dishwasher on?” “The r…
Police in Niagara-on-the-Lake investigate drive-by hooting
NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON – Upper-middle class residents of a picturesque town are on edge after reports of a drive-by hooting that police say exceeded 75 dB. Locals became suspicious of the …
