Tom Brady cheats retirement
TAMPA BAY – Only six weeks after retiring from the NFL, Tom Brady has taken the air out of speculation on his future plans by announcing he will be joining the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for anot…
Economists worry sanctions on Russian Oligarchs may depress housing market to point where Canadians can afford to buy homes again
TORONTO – As Canada continues to impose sanctions on the Russian Oligarchs who prop up both the Putin regime and our overinflated housing market, economists warn this may cause a real estat…
Batman has been out for a week, isn’t it time for a reboot?
Los Angeles, CA – After a very long week in theatres, there’s only one question on people’s minds, who is going to play Batman next? With the public’s ravenous appetite for reboots and reva…
Man thinks CSIS targeted ad a sign he should be a spy
MILTON, ONT – Local man Frank McDonald is pretty sure he should become a spy after receiving a targeted CSIS ad on Facebook. “I was scrolling through my timeline, minding my own business wh…
Study finds most criminals die without ever pulling off one last job
TORONTO – A recent study from the University of Toronto has confirmed that the majority of career criminals die without ever completing one last heist. “This ground-breaking study followed …
MLB owners, players finally work out deal after remembering how much game means to the day drinking community
NEW YORK CITY – After months of negotiations, Major League Baseball players and owners ratified a collective bargaining agreement to save the 2022 season after remembering how much the spor…
New Pixar movie details fantastical story of being able to afford living in Toronto
TORONTO – Pixar Studios’ latest animated adventure, Turning Red, details the whimsical and outlandish story of a family who are able to afford a house in the downtown Toronto core. Turning …
“Whoa, it’s the best of times?” says dude about to have his shit rocked by Charles Dickens
CALGARY – Sources at the Central Library have reported that Bryce Spooner, who said “Hell yeah, let the good times roll, baby!” when he began A Tale of Two Cities, is about to get his fucking tee…
Universities promise students can skip final exams if in-person learning causes them to die
NATIONWIDE – With Canadian universities resuming on-site classes after the latest COVID wave, several institutions announced new policies allowing students to miss final exams in the event …
