Canada to reduce immigration backlog by making country less livable
OTTAWA – After months of delays and work pileups, the Canadian government has announced a new strategy to reduce the wait time for the millions attempting to move to Canada; slowly reduce t…
John Tory announces new “Vision Zero money spent on road safety” initiative
TORONTO, ON ― After years of failure to deliver road safety measures that in any way resemble the innovative Swedish program whose name they bear, John Tory recently unveiled plans for a more att…
Investigation of Catholic Church by Catholic Church finds no wrongdoing by Catholic Church
VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis issued a statement Thursday deeming the sexual assault allegations against Quebec Cardinal Marc Ouellet as ‘insufficient grounds’ to launch a formal investigation. The…
Dog tied up outside of store for three minutes sets new world record for sadness
VANCOUVER — The look on the face of Tony, a young bulldog tied to a parking meter outside Denman Liquor, has set the Guinness World Record for sheer, profound, heart-wrenching sadness. “I don’t u…
Canada’s Aunties all pause mid-sentence, sniff the air, whisper “it’s happening”
TORONTO – Canadians from all walks of life reported strange events with older relatives yesterday, as the retail giant Hudson’s Bay announced its plans to relaunch the beloved department store br…
Five jokes only Canadians will get (because they’re all just lines from Corner Gas)
Dog River, SK – There are so many funny things about being Canadian, and most of them are jokes from the Gemini Award-winning sitcom Corner Gas. No one else around the world can understand the hi…
Ontario announces new “Self Serve” Emergency Rooms
QUEEN’S PARK – With Ontario’s hospitals reporting emergency room closures and critical nursing shortages, Premier Doug Ford has announced a new relief plan allowing patients to diagnose the…
“Drag Queen story time is basically grooming” says guy with intricate knowledge of every Age of Consent law
EDMONTON – Local data analyst Rolly Crowne, who is well known for his exhaustive knowledge about the various age of consent laws in different states, provinces, and countries, recently note…
CTV apologizes for firing 58-year-old Lisa LaFlamme: “She should’ve been fired when she turned 50”
TORONTO – CTV and their owner Bell Media have expressed their deepest regrets over their recent decision to unceremoniously fire CTV National News anchor Lisa Laflamme, when clearly she sho…
