Emergencies Act report finds that assholes were indeed assholes

OTTAWA – The highly-anticipated Emergencies Act Inquiry report by Commissioner Paul Rouleau finds that the Trudeau Government’s invocation of the act did indeed meet the legislation&#…

In defense of wealthy British transphobes

J.K. Rowling is, by any metric, one of the most successful people on Earth. Her net worth is estimated at a billion dollars, her books have sold half a billion copies, and Harry Potter is one of …

Trudeau hires consulting firm to examine government over-reliance on consulting firms

OTTAWA – Amidst charges that the Federal Liberal Party has awarded excessive contracts to consulting firms, namely McKinsey & Company, Prime Minister Trudeau has vowed to study the sit…

Hospitals to fight critical staffing shortage by declaring that all PhDs are “that kind of doctor” now

OTTAWA – In an effort to combat the national doctor shortage crippling many provincial healthcare systems, hospitals across Canada have declared that all PhD holders, regardless of field, a…

Indigo website down, book lovers forced to read books they already own

NATIONWIDE — Following a cyber attack that left the Indigo website inaccessible, book lovers across the country have been forced to turn to the many, many books they already own. “I’m at such a l…

5 ways to thank your food delivery guy that say “please don’t murder me I don’t want to die alone on Valentine’s Day”

Look, we’ve all been there. Singles Awareness Day – er, Valentine’s Day – once again rolls around, and all your lonely ass can do to celebrate is order an ungodly amount of food and watch Netflix…

REPORT: Oh Fuck! Rihanna still up there!

GLENDALE, AZ – It’s been 12 hours since the end of yesterday’s Superbowl and fans are still reeling over a nail-biting finish, with parties continuing into the early…… oh shit! Did you guys…

New Brunswick purchases Super Bowl ad by selling Moncton

FREDERICTON – During tonight’s Super Bowl broadcast viewers will see a new ad encouraging tourists to visit scenic New Brunswick, which the province financed by selling off the city of Monc…

Super Bowl: M&Ms rebrand as S&Ms

GLENDALE, AZ – After weeks of controversy over their mascots’ allegedly waning sexiness, flagship Mars chocolate brand M&Ms revealed during Super Bowl LVII that they are rebranding as S&…

John Tory’s career inevitably cut short by his raw, unstoppable sexual magnetism

TORONTO – In the wake of Toronto Mayor John Tory’s shocking announcement that he will be stepping down after admitting he had an affair with a staffer earlier this year, residents across th…