Rogers Centre renovations include private nook where fans can tell Blue Jays mascot everything they can’t say to their dad

TORONTO – As the Toronto Blue Jays play the 2023 season’s first home games, fans are enjoying several offseason additions to the Rogers Centre, including a new bullpen bar, a large family play ar…

Sikh Community prepares for annual pilgrimage of White politicians to Brampton

BRAMPTON, ON – As Sikhs across Canada look forward to 2023’s Vaisakhi celebrations, volunteers in Brampton are hastily preparing in anticipation for one of their communities most cherished …

Walmart CEO claims stealing is really bad, unless it’s wages from your employees

Portland, Oregon – Walmart CEO Doug McMillon recently stated the rise in thefts from Walmart stores is very bad, unlike the hundreds of million dollars Walmart stole from its own employees.…

Optometrists finally admit there is no difference between one and two

Welland, ON – In a big win for optometry patients around the country, the nation’s eye doctors have finally come clean, admitting there is no difference between lens number one and lens number tw…

Poilievre asks Elon Musk to label CBC as “government-funded media” and also to come to his birthday party

OTTAWA – Conservative opposition leader Pierre Poilievre has reached out publicly to Twitter CEO Elon Musk, asking him to label CBC as “government-funded media” and also if he wants to atte…

Florida student arrested after accidentally using wrong gender articles in Spanish class

LAKE CITY, FL ― A 10th-grade student has been taken into custody after she asked a friend to borrow “una bolígrafo” despite having been clearly taught that pens are male and should only be refere…

Québec reluctantly turns power back on for immigrants and Anglos

MONTREAL – After a million households lost electricity last week due the second once-in-a-lifetime ice storm most Quebeckers have faced in their lifetimes, Hydro Québec is reluctantly turni…

Alberta government passes legislation to protect vulnerable gun population

EDMONTON, AB- The Alberta provincial government has restated its commitment to providing protection and support for the provinces’ most marginalized and under-supported population sectors: firear…

Pope decrees that every Friday is a Good Friday when you’re hanging with your buds

VATICAN CITY – Supreme Pontiff Pope Francis has marked the holiest week on the Christian calendar by reminding Catholics worldwide that it’s important to kick it with your pals. “On Good Friday, …

Woman celebrates 3 hours of socialisation by not leaving apartment for 32 days

GATINEAU, QC – Matilda Hammond, a work-from-home closed-caption writer, caught up with some university pals at a bar for three hours last month, and then rewarded herself by spending the ne…