Diversity hire? Golf Town recruits white guy with ADHD
Barrie, ON – In a stunning move toward equity, diversity and inclusion, Golf Town hired Adam Grunt, a straight, white man with ADHD, to manage its Barrie location. “As a marginalized person, this…
Fox News fires Tucker Carlson, will replace him with cheaper racist
NEW YORK – Right-wing propaganda network Fox News is tightening its belt after agreeing to pay $787 million to Dominion Voting Systems to settle a defamation lawsuit, and the first unnecess…
Toddler news: Mom has her own mom, and her name is Grandma
Bunny Hop Preschool – In shocking news to toddlers everywhere, it has been discovered that Mommy has her own mommy, and you’ll never guess who it is. Grandma! It may seem hard to believe, becaus…
CIBC unveils new “Pauper’s Grave” retirement plan
TORONTO – In an acknowledgement of the financial struggles many Canadians are facing, CIBC has announced a new investment plan to help customers scrape through lives of quiet desperation until th…
Queen’s University offers Musk 8 dollars a month to stop telling people he went there
KINGSTON, ON – Queen’s University has reached out to Elon Musk offering eight dollars a month to stop telling people he attended the higher learning institution. While the university …
Leafs fan who was sure team would be swept after Game 1 now equally as confident they’re going to win the Cup
TORONTO – Bryce Feegan, a “die-hard” Leafs fan has proclaimed that the team is sure to win the Cup after their victory in Game 2 with the same amount of certainty as he declared…
Elon Musk building an AI that can explain to him why no one likes him
SAN FRANCISCO – Elon Musk announced this week that he’s developing an AI called TruthGPT in the hopes that the finished product will be able to answer what he believes to be the most pressi…
I don’t care how many scandals my free vacations cause, I can’t spend any more time on Tripadvisor
By Justin Trudeau So apparently some of you are mad because me and the fam jam took another free vacation at one of my dad’s buddies’ places. You’re wondering how in the hell I …
Revolutionary architect designs public washroom with door that pushes open from the inside
GOTHENBURG, SWEDEN ― Innovative young architect Matteus Persson recently unveiled the first public washroom door that can be pushed from the inside rather than pulled. Now open in a local restaur…
Hospitals dropping mask mandates tell patients to stay home if they feel unwell
HAMILTON – The McMaster University Children’s Hospital, along with several other facilities in Southwestern Ontario, announced today that they’re lifting their mask mandates, noting because…
