MOSCOW – Officials from the Kremlin, under the close supervision of Russian President Vladimir Putin, have concluded an autopsy of Alexei Navalny, concluding that the recently-deceased oppo…
World
BREAKING: Greece legalizes Greek food
ATHENS, GREECE – The government of Greece has proudly announced that they have legalized the country’s long-standing tradition of eating Greek cuisine. “Is it possible people were doing this in G…
Hamas and Netanyahu exchange Valentines to thank each other for job security
GAZA – In the wake of an intractable decades-long conflict that has left thousands of civilians dead in both Israel and the Gaza Strip, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netenyahu and the lea…
Putin pauses interview to ask if Carlson wants to go at least a little harder on him
MOSCOW – During a rare sit-down interview with Tucker Carlson, Russian President Vladimir Putin was repeatedly forced to pause the proceedings in order to encourage the ex-Fox News pundit t…
International Court of Justice rules that Israel must bomb civilians more humanely
THE HAGUE – In a preliminary ruling on South Africa v. Israel, the International Court of Justice has decreed that Israel must bomb civilians in the Gaza Strip with more care and compassion. “Wh…
Oh No: Friend from high school debuts 5th straight incorrect Middle East take on Facebook
TORONTO – Cliffdale High ‘09 alum Jim Smith has repeatedly whiffed attempts to write and publish a correct Facebook take about the devastating conflict in the Middle East at least five time…
How to protest mass slaughter without inconveniencing anyone
As Israel continues to bombard Gaza, causing the deaths of thousands of civilians, you may be wondering how to properly protest without causing a huge scene or bothering people just trying to enj…
Everything Israel is doing to minimize civilian casualties in Gaza
As Israel continues its bombing campaign in Gaza in an effort to destroy Hamas, they are taking a number of steps to minimize civilian casualties. Here they are: 1. Tell the media they are doing …
Canada calls for 5 minute water break in Israel bombing campaign
OTTAWA – Continuing our country’s long standing role as a global leader in humanitarian causes, the government of Canada has stepped forward and announced its support for a 5 minute w…
Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel
As academics, celebrities and politicians face backlash and loss of work for condemning Israel’s bombing of the Gaza strip and treatment of Palestinians in general, we asked a number of peo…