TORONTO — Following the arrest of three Black Lives Matter – Toronto protesters over the act of dousing racist monuments in bright pink paint, Toronto Police are threatening considerable le…
Police
Police say that anti-Nazi graffiti “hits close to home”
OAKVILLE, ON – After a monument commemorating soldiers who fought in Hitler’s SS was vandalized with spray paint recently, Halton Regional Police have declared that “this hate crime hits es…
Local mom shocked to discover ACAB doesn’t stand for “A Cool Autumn Breeze”
Muskoka, ON – Local mother Wendy Marylin was shocked to discover her favourite acronym “ACAB” did not commonly stand for “A Cool Autumn Breeze.” “I thought this whole time I was just celebr…
Officer working at ninth police department in ten years probably just filled with wanderlust
Lawrence, KS — Though there are many possible reasons that Constable Dennis Bass has worked at nine different police departments over the last ten years, law enforcement experts agree that the mo…
Toronto city council votes to give police body cams in order to watch racism in High Definition
TORONTO – In a divisive decision yesterday, Toronto city council voted against decreasing the massive police budget in favour of providing its officers with body cameras in 2021, so that all futu…
Police baffled why public turned on them after countless murders
NASHVILLE – Police officers across North America are scared and confused by the feeling that public opinion has turned against them for no reason other than the countless unpunished murders…
Toronto Police Service seeks bold new leader committed to the status quo
TORONTO – Following Toronto Police Chief Mark Saunders’ announcement that he has chosen to step down, the city’s Police Services Board has announced that they are seeking a bold new l…
LEGO recalls police sets after discovering pieces break down under slightest pressure
DENMARK – The LEGO corporation issued an announcement yesterday that it will be recalling all police-related toy sets after thousands of angry customers reported that the pieces broke down danger…