CALGARY – The Calgary Police Service has paused an order from the Calgary Police Commission requiring all Calgary cops to remove the ‘thin blue line’ patches from their uniforms after large…
Police
Police worried crackdowns on convoys will hinder their ability to recruit from the lunatic fringe
OTTAWA – Police departments across Canada are concerned that their mild efforts to arrest the anti-vaccine and anti-government protesters who’ve disrupted Canadian society for the last thre…
Windsor blockade cleared after police deploy radical tactic of doing literally anything
WINDSOR, ON – A days-long protest on the Ambassador Bridge between Canada and the USA has come to a swift end after police employed the heretofore unimaginable tactic of doing their jobs ev…
Ottawa Police issue apology to protesters for any inconvenience they may have caused
OTTAWA – The Ottawa Police Service issued a statement apologising to the protesters that descended on the nation’s capital this past weekend for any trouble their presence may have caused t…
VPD: If you don’t want to interact with our unvaccinated officers, you can simply flee from all police
VANCOUVER – The Vancouver Police Department is assuring Vancouverites worried about interacting with unvaccinated cops that they always have the option of running away from the police inste…
Zodiac Killer identified as some fuckin’ guy
SAN FRANCISCO – After decades of unresolved police investigations, the notorious Zodiac Killer, who terrorized Northern California in the late 1960s, has been identified as some friggin’ du…
Police baffled by knife-shaped hole found in stabbing victim
VANCOUVER, BC – The Vancouver Police Department has announced a puzzling new development in the recent downtown stabbing case: a hole, shaped oddly like some kind of knife, has been found i…
RCMP arrest the Lorax
LAKE COWICHAN, B.C. – The RCMP, out in force again today arresting protesters trying to protect old growth trees on Vancouver Island, have detained one of the world’s most recognizable envi…
Police on horse ready to stop train robbery
TORONTO – Toronto Police have reported that their horseback division is essential for stopping any and all train robberies. “When I’m on my noble steed, Paul Gross’ Passchendaele – Pa…
4 ways to justify your late night Denny’s run to the cops
Doug Ford is giving Ontario’s police the power to stop anyone and ask why they’ve left their home in order to crunch down on rising COVID cases. But don’t let that stop you from crunching d…