OTTAWA – During yesterday’s cabinet appointments, former astronaut Marc Garneau was thrilled to discover that he had been made Minister of Transport, thus achieving his lifelong dream. “I c…
National
Trudeau names former babysitter Minister of Letting Me Stay Up to Watch the First 10 Minutes of SNL
OTTAWA – Moments after being sworn in as Canada’s 23rd Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau tapped childhood friend and former babysitter Dominic LeBlanc to be his Minister of Letting Me Stay Up To Wat…
Justin Trudeau takes drag off cigarette, adjusts leather jacket, swears in as PM
OTTAWA – Just before being sworn in as Canada’s Prime Minister, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau stood in the darkened alley by Rideau Hall and took a long puff of his cigarette before flickin…
50% female cabinet appointments lead to 5000% increase in guys who suddenly care about merit in cabinet
OTTAWA – With Prime Minister designate Justin Trudeau preparing to announce a cabinet that is 50% women, researchers have discovered a sharp 5000% increase in the number of men who suddenly…
Margaret Wente renews demon blood-pact
CANADA – With All Hallows’ Eve approaching and 100 new moons having passed since her last engagement with the blood demon Vasnarskabb, Globe and Mail columnist Margaret Wente has rene…
Temporary foreign robots to replace domestic robots that replaced human workers
OTTAWA — Several Canadian manufacturing companies announced that the domestic robots that replaced thousands of Canadian workers will be replaced by temporary foreign robots. Canada’s new a…
Ghostbusters respond to abandoned Ottawa mansion haunted by previous prime ministers
OTTAWA — The National Capital Commission has called in professional paranormal exterminators to deal with several poltergeists haunting the now-derelict official residence of the Prime Mini…
Canada Post hires former FLQ members to blow up community mailboxes
MONTREAL — In what will be a tremendous task of removing thousands of community mailboxes, Canada Post has hired former members of Quebec’s defunct separatist paramilitary group to destroy …
City of Calgary to rename unemployment office after Stephen Harper
CALGARY – City officials have announced that they will move to rename the municipal office that handles employment insurance and welfare claims after soon to be former Prime Minister Stephe…
