OTTAWA – The Trudeau Government has reassured Canadians that every person who is no longer able to apply for government assistance can apply for the “Call Your Parents” benefit. “It’s great…
National
Health Canada convenes emergency press conference to declare you’re doing quarantine wrong
OTTAWA – At a special press conference Health Canada officials, doctors and scientists came together to declare their finding that you specifically are doing quarantine wrong. “As the…
Scheer furious he didn’t think of staging a coup after 2019 election
OTTAWA – Back Bench Conservative MP Andrew Scheer is reportedly furious that he never thought of “doing a coup” after the 2019 election the way Donald Trump is currently trying …
Canadians remember the sacrifices Don Cherry made to hijack Remembrance Day for his personal brand
KINGSTON, ON – Canadians took a moment of silence today to recognize the important sacrifices former Hockey Night in Canada commentator Don Cherry made to turn a sacred event into a spectac…
Trudeau excited to discover what old-timey nickname Biden will give him
OTTAWA – After calling President-elect Biden to congratulate him on winning the election, Prime Minister Trudeau is said to be looking forward to Biden bestowing upon him a fun nickname tha…
Whole Foods: Wearing poppies would insult our commitment to fascism
OTTAWA – Grocery retailer Whole Foods has banned its employees from wearing the poppy citing its ongoing commitment to fascism. The American multinational supermarket chain owned Amazon sai…
COVID cases replaces racism as thing Canadians think they handle better than the States
NATIONWIDE – A new survey has revealed that racism has been replaced by COVID statistics as the number one source of contempt for the United States amongst Canadians. “I’m just glad I live …
Canadian border opens express U-turn lanes for fleeing Americans
NIAGARA FALLS – Canada Border Services Agency has announced designated express U-turn lanes for Americans trying to flee to Canada in the event their preferred presidential candidate does n…
White Nova Scotia fishermen sure they’re only one more violent assault away from nation realizing they’re the good guys
Pubnico, NS – The group of fishermen who have been waging a campaign to stop Mi’kmaq fishermen from exercising their treaty rights to engage in lobster fishing are confident that if t…
Sask Premier Scott Moe leaves scene after colliding with debate
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has been reportedly involved in another accident, this time colliding into two debate podiums. The driver plowed through the CBC Saskatchewan galleri…
