OTTAWA – Sean Rice, dressed in his usual July 1st garb of Canada flag boxers, Canada flag face-paint and a full Canadian flag worn as a cape, has had to take special precautions to prevent …
Holidays
Easter Bunny freezes eggs to focus on career
BERLIN — The disappointment of millions of children worldwide was palpable Sunday morning after the Easter Bunny announced it would be ‘freezing’ its iconic egg hunt for the foreseeable future in…
Nation’s conspiracy theorists celebrate False Flag Day
OTTAWA – As Canadians spent the day commemorating the inauguration of the country’s iconic maple leaf flag, the nation’s weird shut-ins took to obscure subreddits for a celebration of…
Editorial: I don’t celebrate Groundhog Day because I honour groundhogs every day of the year
As February 2nd approaches, and I watch my friends and family stress over making the perfect plans for Groundhog Day, I can’t help but sit back and watch in bewilderment. Because you see, for me…
Christmas tree still in house unsure if family Orthodox or just lazy
SASKATOON – A Christmas tree still on display in the Miller household’s living room is uncertain if the family that purchased it is planning to celebrate Orthodox Christmas, or if they’ve just be…
Investigative Report: Ice cream scoop of stuffing makes any meal a festive special
TORONTO – After evaluating hundreds of fast food and casual dining restaurants across Canada, an in-depth investigation revealed that the key to a successful festive special is offering an …
38-year-old father of two excited for Christmas scratch n’ win card from his mommy
BEDFORD, NS – Local engineer and father of two Douglas Clyborne has spent the last week telling everyone how excited he is to open his stocking on Christmas morning and receive his yearly s…
Retailers guarantee to have worse version of what you want in stock for holidays
EDMONTON – Retailers across Canada want to assure Canadian consumers that despite global supply chain issues and shortages, they guarantee to have the worst version of what you want in stoc…
Bullied kid in haunted house relieved to see companions picked off one by one
HUNTSVILLE, ON ― Local 16-year-old Simon Norris was reportedly delighted to discover that a supernatural creature was gradually capturing the classmates with whom he was exploring the old Douglas…
