VANCOUVER, BC – Spence Diamonds now offers an added incentive to holiday shoppers – a customer satisfaction guarantee that if the giftee does not give head, Spence will be there to offer his. As …
Holidays
Divorced Dad advent calendar promises big chocolate every other weekend
VANCOUVER — A new brand of advent calendar made for divorced dads by Divorced Dads features one very large chocolate every other weekend to show your child that you care just as much if not more …
Freak! This guy actually enjoys fruitcakes
EDMONTON, AB – Local weirdo, Felix Bonner, 36, recently told his co-workers that despite its horrible vomit-like taste, he actually enjoys fruitcakes. “It’s just a nice blend of sweetness a…
Historians unearth the pagan roots of Cyber Monday, reveal its origin in the ancient festival of CompuServehain
CAMBRIDGE – Historians studying ancient documents from the dawn of the information age have recently discovered that the holiday known today as Cyber Monday can be traced all the way back t…
5 fun or cheap activities to make the most of summer, and yes, we did mean “or”
OTTAWA – The long weekend is coming up, and you’re seeking ways of maximizing your time while minimizing your expenses. But every listicle promising low-cost excitement disappoints you with…
Labour Day parade “not communist enough” for small town
ROBERTS, AB — A spectre is haunting Roberts—the spectre of not enough Communism. Town residents are upset that the town’s annual Labour Day parade hasn’t gone far enough to “release the proletar…
Canada Day face paint includes footnote about not being one of those Convoy fucks
OTTAWA – Sean Rice, dressed in his usual July 1st garb of Canada flag boxers, Canada flag face-paint and a full Canadian flag worn as a cape, has had to take special precautions to prevent …
Easter Bunny freezes eggs to focus on career
BERLIN — The disappointment of millions of children worldwide was palpable Sunday morning after the Easter Bunny announced it would be ‘freezing’ its iconic egg hunt for the foreseeable future in…
