OTTAWA – After several attempts to recall the name of a specific famous actor, Canadian mothers continue to struggle to remember whom they are talking about. “You know the guy”, said retired teac…
Culture
Marvel unveils new Asian superhero: ‘Foreign Investor’
LOS ANGELES – Responding to backlash from fans for their lack of Asian characters, Marvel Studios has created a Chinese superhero, Foreign Investor, who will star in his own solo film. “This will…
Avid vinyl collector buys first record player
VANCOUVER – After years of collecting vinyl, Joel Young, a barista and amateur longboarder from Kitsilano, BC has finally purchased a record player. “I love collecting records. The touch of the c…
Ticketmaster: “Tragically Hip fans being gouged by scalpers is what Gord would have wanted”
TORONTO – Responding to news that tickets to the Tragically Hip’s farewell tour had sold out within seconds, largely to scalpers, Ticketmaster President Jared Smith assured disappointed fan…
Fans convinced Edward Scissorhands could never hurt his wife
LOS ANGELES – Fans of Edward Scissorhands were shocked to learn that the half-human, half-unknown possibly pseudo-robotic being was alleged to have beaten his wife. “I cannot believe there …
Report: Tragically Hip final tour tickets still available through ruthlessly beating ticket holders
KINGSTON, ON – Disappointed Tragically Hip fans who failed to get tickets to the band’s final tour still have some hope after reports indicate there are some available by viciously assaulti…
Woman braces for barrage of street harassment think pieces
VANCOUVER — As warmer weather approaches and fashions become more revealing, women across the country have begun grudgingly preparing themselves for an increase in street harassment opinion piece…
Dave’s colonoscopy video wins top prize at Cannes
CANNES – After eleven days of electrifying and challenging cinema at the Cannes Film Festival, the prestigious Palme d’Or was awarded to MULLINS PROC. CRX34-8, a thorough portrayal of 60-year-old…
Orphan Black fans successfully clone Tatiana Maslany
TORONTO – Scientists at the Orphan Black Fan Institute say they have successfully cloned a human being, actress Tatiana Maslany, star of the cult sci-fi series, Orphan Black. “If the show h…
CBC vows to wait 4-6 weeks before even thinking of rehiring Ghomeshi
TORONTO – In the wake of sexual assault allegations against Jian Ghomeshi and his subsequent criminal trials and peace bond, the CBC has firmly avowed that they absolutely will not even consider …
