TORONTO – A new study has revealed that the best way to get rid of an unwanted cadaver is to carefully pack it into a suitcase and check it as luggage with Air Canada at a local airport. &#…
Poll: Majority of Canadians willing to vote for whatever politician promises to slap Galen Weston Jr. in the face
OTTAWA – A recent Angus Reid study has confirmed that Canadian voters are not sure who they will support in the next election, and are willing to give their support to whichever candidate p…
Spence Diamonds guarantees all holiday purchases: “If your wife doesn’t give you a blow job, Spence will!”
VANCOUVER, BC – Spence Diamonds now offers an added incentive to holiday shoppers – a customer satisfaction guarantee that if the giftee does not give head, Spence will be there to offer his. As …
Canadians hoping Musk will buy Bell and Rogers next
OTTAWA – As Elon Musk completes his unintentional mission to reduce twitter, which he bought for 44 billion dollars, to a pile of smoldering ash, Canadians are hoping his next investment wi…
Report: Sale of Ottawa Senators have many concerned team may move to Ottawa
KANATA, ON – Fans of the Ottawa Senators are worried the team may relocate to Ottawa instead of remaining in the suburb of Kanata. “I would be fine with Manotick, Greely, or even Prescott-R…
Toronto friends plan to meet for coffee four months from now
TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolutely” sh…
Premier Danielle Smith blasts media for old comments she made 30 minutes ago
EDMONTON – Alberta’s premier accused members of the media for using “ancient” comments she made approximately 30 minutes ago in a press conference. “I made these statements about Ukrainians…
Out of respect to victims’ families, Ryan Murphy to donate portion of Dahmer profits to anyone who ever watched Glee
LOS ANGELES – In response to criticism of insensitivity toward victims, Dahmer showrunner Ryan Murphy has vowed to donate a portion of his series profits to anyone who ever watched Glee. “I see n…
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith honours oppressed anti-vaxxers by marking 2 minutes of coughing
EDMONTON – Honouring those who refused to be vaccinated, newly sworn-in Premier Danielle Smith has called for two minutes of coughing to recognize their overlooked contributions to overwhel…
Hockey Canada board resigns in deference to real victims: Tim Hortons, Nike and Canadian Tire
TORONTO – Hockey Canada’s CEO and board of directors have resigned and finally acknowledged the true victims of a long ordeal that has damaged the sport’s reputation – its corporate s…