OTTAWA – A new report has confirmed it is quite possible, and in fact logical, to hate both Pierre Poilievre and Justin Trudeau. “Contrary to what Conservative partisans believe, we c…
Top athletes in training to bang the best at Paris Olympics
TORONTO – Canadian athletes are deep in the grind as they practice day and night for the chance to bone the hottest people at the Summer Olympics. “Covid put a cramp in everyone’s ability a…
Loblaws promises to lower grocery prices as soon as Leafs win three rounds in the playoffs
TORONTO – Loblaws announced this week that it will lower its record-breaking prices once the Toronto Maple Leafs stumble their way into a third round victory for the first time in their franchise…
4 hangover cures that aren’t as good as playing Home for a Rest by beloved Canadian folk rock band Spirit of the West at full volume
We’ve all been there. Nauseous, bleary, remembering that you puked a kiddie pool’s worth of green lager onto your boss’s dog at the St. Paddy’s day staff party. And we all know that the only way …
Law & Order Toronto criticized as unrealistic after showing Toronto Police trying to solve crimes
TORONTO – The Law & Order order spinoff series set in Toronto is being described highly unrealistic, as it depicts the Toronto Police repeatedly attempting to actually solve crimes and…
Buckingham Palace struggling to enforce Return to Office policy
LONDON – Staffers at Buckingham Palace are frustrated that the Royal Family will not comply with orders to return to on-site work. “I know that we all got used to working remotely during lo…
Boeing whistleblower found dead in Boeing plane that spontaneously combusted
CHARLESTON, SC – Boeing employee-turned-whistleblower John Barnett was found dead this weekend after the Boeing plane he was in spontaneously combusted. Barnett was taking the flight to take part…
Previously retired CanadARM bagging groceries to make ends meet
REGINA, SK – Due to rising food prices, inflation, and the general cost of living, the formerly-retired CanadaARM1 has rejoined the workforce by taking on a part-time job at Loblaws. “A lot…
Court declares Jordan Peterson has to take “how not to be an asshole” class
TORONTO – The Court of Appeal for Ontario has rejected noted psychologist and asshole Jordan Peterson’s attempt to avoid attending an anti-assholery class required by the College of Psychol…
Parliament’s Elf On The Shelf turns out to be Pierre Poilievre in a little scarf
OTTAWA – Shockwaves spread throughout the House this week when staffers realized that the vaguely threatening elf watching their every move was actually the leader of the Opposition in a fe…
