Owen Sound, ON – Management of a local Coffee Time has asked that all staff pretend that the cobwebs currently coating stationary objects were put there for the Halloween season, as opposed…
New Seattle Kraken mascot expected to either fight or mate with Gritty
SEATTLE, WA – Following the unveiling of Buoy, the abomination currently serving as the mascot for the Seattle Krakens, experts have been divided as to how the joyful creature will interact…
Canada shocked to find out it was once ranked the best country in the world
OTTAWA – Stupfication gripped the nation when U.S. News announced Canada had slipped from its first-place rating on their list of best countries in the world, with no Canadian really sure h…
Corgis everywhere struggling to find a new gimmick
LONDON, UK – Following the death of Queen Elizabeth II, the world’s corgi population is scrambling to find a new trademark to stay relevant in the global dog scene. “We’ve been trying…
Friend group excited to spend all of Nuit Blanche trying to find each other
TORONTO – With Nuit Blanche expected to return for the first time since the pandemic, a local group of buddies is excited to spend the whole event unsuccessfully trying to meet up. “It’s go…
Ontario certain they can fund gambling addiction support with money brought in from legalized gambling
QUEEN’S PARK – With Ontario now aiming to provide more accessible treatment options for anyone struggling with gambling addiction, the Ford government reportedly has absolute confiden…
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
LONDON, ON – In an effort to protect students and faculty against COVID-19 and being a buzzkill, Western University announced that everyone entering the campus must have had at least 3 shot…
Fredericton rager still going on at 9:15pm
FREDERICTON, NB – Guests at a wild party happening on Fredericton’s Main Street appear to be dead set on burning the three-hours-to-midnight oil as the bash is now entering its third hour a…
Canada to reduce immigration backlog by making country less livable
OTTAWA – After months of delays and work pileups, the Canadian government has announced a new strategy to reduce the wait time for the millions attempting to move to Canada; slowly reduce t…
New U.S. Environmental Protection Plan basically just giving nature guns
WASHINGTON, DC- The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency announced its new strategy to conserve natural spaces; distributing firearms to all native plant and animal species to allow them to prote…
