EDMONTON – Upon the news that Danielle Smith has won the UCP leadership race and will be the province’s new premier, Albertans heaved a collective sigh of relief that socialist madman Jason…
Closer to Earth than it’s been in decades, Jupiter can’t believe how much Earth has let itself go
THE SOLAR SYSTEM – As Jupiter recently made its closest approach to the planet Earth since 1963, it was shocked and saddened to see how much the only habitable planet in the known universe …
Trudeau: It’s too difficult to abolish the monarchy, we need to focus on other difficult things we also won’t do
LONDON, U.K. – When asked this week if the death of Queen Elizabeth II would result in Canada finally removing its foreign head of state, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was adamant that Cana…
Canada to honour the Queen by shutting off all hospital ventilators for 96 seconds
OTTAWA – In addition to a federal holiday, transit pauses, and school and court closures, Canada plans to carry out an extra tribute to its beloved former head of state during her funeral b…
Canadian government announces ten days of mourning for the 45000 Canadians who’ve died of COVID, jk, it’s for that one rich lady
OTTAWA – Canadians were shocked and gladened this week when the Canadian government finally acknowledged the immense amount of loss the country has suffered over the three years of the COVI…
Man who never visits own grandmother heartbroken over Queen Elizabeth’s death
VANCOUVER – Jason Klein, who has only visited his 98-year-old grandmother twice in the last five years despite living less than a half-hour’s drive away, is still reeling from the news that…
Opinion: The only time a woman should swear is when she’s quoting a threat against her life
By Chet Pemberton Ladies, I get it. Sometimes you get emotional. I hear it’s not easy being a woman. I haven’t seen any evidence of that, being a woman looks pretty sweet, but women are always co…
CTV apologizes for firing 58-year-old Lisa LaFlamme: “She should’ve been fired when she turned 50”
TORONTO – CTV and their owner Bell Media have expressed their deepest regrets over their recent decision to unceremoniously fire CTV National News anchor Lisa Laflamme, when clearly she sho…
Netflix announces final season of Stranger Things will consist of six 15-hour movies, released randomly over the next decade
LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming service Netflix has not only officially announced that the hit show Stranger Things will return for its fifth and final season, but that the season will be com…
Mona Lisa responds to climate protest with weird little smile, like this is some fucking game
PARIS – Visitors to the Louvre today reacted with shock as a one-man climate protest took the form of a cake being thrown at star attraction Mona Lisa, whose own reaction to the ballistic b…
