QUEEN’S PARK – Following the surprise announcement that he will return all recently released lands back to the Greenbelt, Premier Doug Ford announced that the developers who purchased…
Conservative education ministers tackle urgent problem of children feeling too safe at school
REGINA – Several conservative provincial governments have enacted or are planning to enact policies that require parental consent for children to change their names and pronouns in school a…
BREAKING: Mark Zuckerberg discovered dead in midst of squirrel orgy and you know this is from a real news source since it’s being blocked on Meta
MENLO PARK – The Beaverton has just confirmed that the body of billionaire Mark Zuckerberg has just been discovered in a pile of thousands of writhing, mating squirrels. The chairman and CE…
Alberta halts approval for all clean energy projects until they can be made dirtier
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has announced a moratorium on all pending renewable energy projects in Alberta until these projects can prove they will be just as detrimental to t…
Campfire ban impeding spooky exposition at beginning of ill-fated camping trips
MANNING PROVINCIAL PARK, B.C. – Chronic dry conditions and a high risk of forest fires have resulted in a province-wide campfire ban in British Columbia, leaving many campers completely unp…
Pierre Poilievre threatens to dox one Canadian who lives in a small home every day until he’s made PM
OTTAWA – Inspired by the negative backlash after he shared the address of a random small house that he called “a shack”, Conservative Leader and MP Pierre Poilievre has declared that he wil…
RCMP: Anti-trans protesters aren’t being removed from highway overpass because laws only apply to people we don’t like
NORTH VANCOUVER – Six weeks after the Supreme Court of British Columbia banned a group of anti-trans and anti-vaccine protesters from holding a dangerous, months-long demonstration on a hig…
Fired employee indicted for stealing from workplace
MIAMI – A former employee of the United States federal government who was let go due to extreme incompetence has just been indicted on charges of stealing from his erstwhile employer. Donal…
Election Day: Alberta decides between a traditional conservative government and whatever the hell the UCP is
EDMONTON – The polls are open as Alberta voters consider whether to elect a right-wing party devoted to low taxes and substantial governmental support for the fossil fuel industry (the NDP)…
UCP promises to build giant gas-powered fans to clear Alberta skies
EDMONTON – As Alberta experiences yet another day of choking smoke from global warming-induced wildfires, the UCP has assured Albertans that they have a plan to prevent this increasingly co…