News in Photos…
Calgary’s new Scotia Place joins ranks of iconic Canadian stadiums like Scotia Centre, Rogers Place, and Scotia Centre-Place
CALGARY – Calgary has unveiled the design of its new hockey arena and event centre, Scotia Place, which will share the same sleek and contemporary look as famous arenas across Canada like Rogers …
Canada looks to break humiliating 106-year South American soccer championship drought
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. – The Canadian men’s national soccer team plays Argentina in the Copa America semi-final tonight, as Canada looks to end its pathetic century-long title drought in South Ame…
Security experts agree new password will never love you like the old one did
TORONTO – According to a study conducted by a panel of cybersecurity experts, your new password lacks the special spark of your old one and will never bring you the same joy. “Few people get thro…
After weeks without water, Calgarians now smell like Edmontonians
CALGARY – After two weeks of restricted access to water for showers, laundry, and other acts of hygiene, sources have reported that Calgarians now smell like Edmontonians do all year long. “Jesus…
Drunk Edmontonian screaming at television pleasantly surprised to learn Oilers game is on
EDMONTON – Edmontonian Jason Porter, who’s spent another evening shouting outraged profanities at his TV amid a growing pile of Alberta Genuine Draft empties, was excited to discover an Oil…
WestJet announces SuperUltraBasic fare where customers just stay home and give them money
CALGARY – Days after announcing an UltraBasic fare that includes no carry-on bags or seat selection, WestJet has announced a SuperUltraBasic ticket that skips the plane ride entirely. “Here at W…
Man excited to watch TikTok highlight reel of YouTuber reading Wikipedia summary of novel’s Netflix adaptation
CALGARY – After seeing all the hype surrounding the award-winning novel The Hornet’s Lament, 34-year-old Reagan Turner is excited to borrow the book from the library, read a few pages, then give …
Trudeau startled by UK news that long-standing, deeply-unpopular governments must eventually hold elections
OTTAWA – According to sources in 24 Sussex Drive, Justin Trudeau was taken aback after learning that Rishi Sunak, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, has called a July election despite some…
Toronto women’s hockey team already choking at an elite level
TORONTO – In a collapse worthy of the Maple Leafs, Toronto’s PWHL team has been eliminated from the playoffs after blowing a commanding 2-0 series lead in their best-of-5 semifinal against Minnes…