Palo Alto – In a conference call with reporters, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg pledged to crack down on the fake news sites that spread political lies during the 2016 U.S. election, now that…
You just said something unintentionally racist. Can you get out of it?
You’re not a racist (we assume). But you just said something that you realize came across super racist. Are you able to use your wits and guile to erase the social damage this will cause yo…
Trump strategist Bannon claims anti-semitism charges against him are just a global Zionist conspiracy
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After being appointed President-elect Trump’s chief advisor, equal in power to the chief of staff, Breitbart News chairman Steve Bannon is claiming that the anti-semitism…
Report: 90% of Canadians plan to spend U.S. election day rocking back and forth while moaning softly
OTTAWA – A recent survey has revealed that 9 out of every 10 Canadians will spend the entirety of November 5 experiencing a moderate to severe panic attack, manifesting itself in curling in…
Which character from Friends would vote for Donald Trump?
For us 90s kids, Friends was the show that taught us how to live, laugh and love, as well as convinced us that only white people live in New York City. Though the show may be gone, the good times…
Breaking: orgy house forgot about trick-or-treaters again
Abbotsford, B.C. – After swearing they weren’t going to make the same mistake this year, Jim and Marlene Smith once again scheduled their big fall orgy to take place on the same night as Ha…
New STI discovered in Victoria nursing home
Victoria, BC – Health Canada admitted this morning that a new sexually transmitted infection has been discovered in nursing home resident Gladys Newcombe. “This new STI causes terrible pain…
Thought of ice cream gets man through another day
WINNIPEG – Local man Gregory Myers has made it through another goddamn day of this thing we call life, mainly by thinking about ice cream. “It can be hard to get up in the morning, knowing …
Budding douchebag shows up with Ayn Rand novel
REGINA – Reports are circulating that local man Taylor Klint has continued his evolution along the douchebag spectrum by publicly reading and quoting from The Fountainhead. “I knew where he…
Royal Couple given traditional Vancouver gift of artisanal fentanyl
VANCOUVER – At the conclusion of William and Kate’s official state visit to the city, Mayor Gregor Robertson had the honour of presenting them with a symbolic present representing the sacre…
