TORONTO – Sources inside the 9:55 a.m. university line southbound subway have confirmed that everyone on the car does in fact, smell like shit. “Oh god,” said legal secretary Mary Cook, as …
Office Intern goes mad with lack of power
Toronto – Sources inside the financial firm Dewsom & Thrift are reporting that 24-year old unpaid office intern Eric McDonagh has gone mad with his own lack of power. “At first it was j…
Putin petitions IOC to have rainbow colours removed from Olympic symbol
MOSCOW – Following the passage of a controversial anti-gay bill in Russia, President Vladimir Putin is now attempting to remove all rainbow colours from the Olympic symbol in preparation fo…
Israel and Palestine ready to begin undermining new round of peace talks
WASHINGTON D.C. – Three years after the previous talks collapsed, the governments of Israel and Palestine will begin a new round of direct talks in the hopes of achieving new and likely ins…
King Joffrey vows vengeance on Royal Baby
KING’S LANDING – Ravens flooded the capital city of Westeros with word that the wife of Prince William of Windsor, Katherine of Middleton, has been delivered of a baby boy named George, who…
Local bachelor probably going to get curtains, eventually
TORONTO – Local bachelor Robbie Labeouf announced earlier this week his intention to probably purchase curtains, eventually, for his apartment of three years. “It just seems like a thing I …
Breaking: City of Detroit wasn’t already bankrupt
DETROIT – Detroit, capital of the automotive industry, became the largest city in the history of the United States to declare bankruptcy on Thursday, shocking those who assumed the city had…
Elevator mechanics strike causes city wide outbreak of sitcom premise
VANCOUVER – The recently resolved strike of all elevator mechanics and repairmen caused a rash of tired sitcom tropes and recycled plot lines to break out across the city. “I was stuck in a…
Harper hopes shuffle will improve cabinet sex life
OTTAWA – Attempting to spice things up in Ottawa, Prime Minister Stephen Harper unveiled a wide-ranging overhaul of his executive government on Monday, a move the P.M. is quite hopeful will…
Jason Kenney just wants to find love, expel all refugees
According to sources on Parliament Hill, MP and Minister for Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism Jason Kenney has recently been speaking more and more about his two major life goals: to…
