OTTAWA – With millions returning to work after the holidays, Kentucky bourbon is out and Canadian spirits are in as the choice for Canada’s alcoholics who cannot help but drink on the…
Poilievre lights emergency flares to beg Trump to invade Canada
OTTAWA – Canadian Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre was reportedly seen lighting emergency flares, in hopes that U.S. President Donald Trump would “liberate” Canada in the same…
Carney promises 2026 will see huge economic growth that will absolutely not include you
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has vowed that 2026 will see huge economic growth for Canada’s GDP, manufacturing, and exports, none of which will redound to you in the slightest.…
Canada names Mark Carney ‘2025 Man Of The Year Unless Anyone Better Comes Along’
“I know we’ve had many pictures of Mark Carney on our website… but I’m not entirely sure I could pick him out of a lineup.” Hit the bricks, you stupid year! Ian and …
Carney, Zelensky meet in Halifax to boost Ukraine defence by enlisting Barrett’s Privateers
HALIFAX – Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney will meet today with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy in the Nova Scotian city of Halifax, where the two will set about turning the of R…
“This is totally the World Juniors” says woman trying to trick her boyfriend into watching Heated Rivalry
SUDBURY, ON – Local girlfriend Ashlynn Timbers is currently monitoring her boyfriend as he watches the program she told him was the World Juniors Hockey Tournament, but is in fact the steam…
Carney urges Canadians to make holiday donations to struggling shareholders
OTTAWA – In light of economic difficulties facing the nation, Prime Minister Mark Carney reminded Canadians to pause their own holiday celebrations and give generously to billionaire shareh…
Trudeau unsure how many autographed headshots Katy Perry will want for Christmas
OTTAWA – Finishing out the last of his holiday shopping, former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has reportedly asked aides how many autographed 8×10 photographs of himself to gift to his…
Canadian economy rallies as #1 export now Heated Rivalry
OTTAWA – Canada’s economy, which has spent the year reeling due to American tariffs, is finishing strong thanks to the country’s new chief export, the gay hockey-romance drama H…
U.S. plan to inspect Canadians’ social media overwhelmed by Peter Mansbridge thirst traps
NIAGARA FALLS – A recently U.S. proposal to demand 5 years of social media history from travellers has hit a snag, as American customs agents were wholly overwhelmed by the sheer volume of …
