OTTAWA – Following 9 days of sustained protesting the City of Ottawa declared a state of emergency Sunday night, pending the approval of the angry horde occupying the city core. “The citize…
5 events to watch at the Olympics which we DEFINITELY remembered were happening
What, they’re still doing that? Like with Omicron and everything? I mean, hello, and welcome to the 2022 Winter Games happening in… wait until Wikipedia refreshes… Beijing! Wait, is that a typo? …
Erin O’Toole ousted to make way for new CPC leader: this Fuck Trudeau flag
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leader Erin O’Toole has been removed in a caucus revolt, and will be replaced by a “Fuck Trudeau” flag that one of the MPs found outside Parliament Hill. The sec…
Happy Groundhog Day 2020!
Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don’t forget your booties ’cause it’s cooooold out there today! Ha ha, just a little holiday movie reference humour for you, as Canadians from…
$4 billion stock loss forces Spotify to postpone week’s 0.10¢ royalty payments to artists
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – After musicians protested Spotify’s $100 million deal with podcaster Joe Rogan, despite his spreading COVID misinformation, the streamer reported a loss of $4 billion wh…
Nova Scotian school changes name from ‘Prince Andrew’ to more respectable ‘Randy from Trailer Park Boys High’
DARTMOUTH, NS – In the wake of Prince Andrew’s involvement with the ongoing Jeffrey Epstein sex scandal, a local high school will no longer be named after the disgraced royal and will inste…
Alberta justice minister asks police chief to quash independent probe into Alberta justice minister
EDMONTON – Alberta MLA Kaycee Madu has called on Police Chief Dale MacFee to “help take care of” an independent probe into the incident where Madu called on Chief MacFee after receiving a t…
Quebec to impose financial penalty against unvaccinated, and minorities just for funsies
QUÉBEC CITY – The province of Québec has announced plans to charge a tax on unvaccinated citizens who make up the bulk of COVID hospitalizations, as well as visible religious minorities “ju…
Local man pulls fire alarm to avoid friends discovering he doesn’t like Succession
VICTORIA, BC – During a recent lunch at Burke’s Cafe, local paralegal Marc Antwern felt he had no choice but to pull a fire alarm to avoid his friends discovering that he does not like HBO’…
“Not having kids is selfish” says man who lives alone in golden palace
VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis has described people’s decisions to have pets instead of children as “selfish”, during a recent general audience in the opulent cathedral-like palace of which he…