LOS ANGELES – Jennifer Aniston, radiant as ever at fifty, revealed that the secret to her perfect, wrinkle-free skin is a regular exfoliation routine, a daily meditation practice, and a gho…
5 ways to unlock your beach body from the suitcase it washed up in!
It’s the height of summer and you know what that means: patios, fun in the sun, and everyone who’s anyone taking to the BEACH, searching for that perfect beach body. The police are also there, on…
Dark Phoenix Review: You’d think after 13 X-Men films, at least ONE would be about professional candle making, but NO
With the release of its final X-franchise offering, Fox has hammered the final nail into the coffin of a franchise that has refused to accurately depict the time-honoured art of candle making, de…
Man carefully proofreads dick pic before sending
VANCOUVER – Sources outside the Roxy nightclub report that 22-year old Cody Parsons has finally sent a carefully composed and meticulously curated image of his semi-erect penis to a woman h…
Vancouver city council approves plan to extend SkyTrain vertically
VANCOUVER – Convening on the contentious issue of expanding Vancouver’s SkyTrain line west to UBC, the Vancouver city council has instead voted unanimously to extend the SkyTrain vertically…
Democracy watch: Sleep Country has had same president since 1994
NEW YORK – In an impassioned speech to the U.N. General Assembly this week, Dozy Drowzinsson, a 56-year-old refugee from Sleep Country, criticized the mattress nation for its oppressive, an…
Large Hadron Collider shutting down as scientists opt to do most of their atomic colliding online
GENEVA – In a press conference last week, scientists at CERN announced that the Large Hadron Collider will be shutting down permanently due to a steady decrease in use. The facility, which …
Nation forbids Mueller from playing games on his iPad until final report is handed in
Washington, DC – After the dismissal of Attorney General Jeff Sessions this week, the U.S. nation has expressed great concerns regarding the likelihood of Robert Mueller’s report on the Rus…
Husky 12-year-old in dance recital winks seductively into audience of parents
SURREY, BC – According to sources in attendance at Simpkins Dance Academy’s annual all-ages showcase last Saturday, a 12-year-old dancer tossed her head irreverently to the side, and winked…
Seth Rogen announced as new smell of Vancouver transit
VANCOUVER – Translink announced Thursday that commuters in Metro Vancouver are in for a pleasant surprise this summer: resident Hollywood A-lister Seth Rogen has been unveiled as the offici…